Im not sure which group to post this on. Im in love with a crack head, I am addicted to mj myself, and I have problems with infidelity. I think I could be on several groups in here. I dont know if I have ever been happy with myself. Ive never even knew myself. I went from practically raising my 3 siblings, to raising my 4 kids. I dont know how to be happy. I am so used to making other people happy; I forgot how to make myself happy. I need to find myself again. I have been using superficial things to make me happy: drugs, alcohol, sex, men. Looking back over my life, I notice that I have always looked for a man to make me happy. I was married for 13 years, divorced and had relationship, after relationship. I had four kids, my last child moved out about the time I started seeing Dan, a crackhead that has had me on a string for six plus years. I am wondering if it wasnt a little bit of empty house syndrome that got me attached to Dan. Also, that was about he time I started smoking weed. My son was using, I was out of work, depressed and I started using too. It helps me chill out and not be so stressed out. I need to stop Dan and the weed. I have started going to church again. It is helping me, my spirit has submerged from being suppressed all these years. When my kids were small I taught Childrens Church, Sunday School, everything, I was there every time the doors opened. Then I got divorced, tried to hold on to my religion, but things got crazy, things got hard, things got depressing and I got away from it. I couldnt go because I felt I wasnt good enough. But I found a church that accepts sinners crazy huh? Youd have to go to a Bible Belt Baptist Church to understand where Im coming from. They say they accept sinners, but they dont. The church I go to is non-denominational, all races. They laugh, they sing, they clap, my spirit is rejuvenated. They dont judge you, just love you and teach Jesus love too. So why am I still not happy? I still want Dan. I just want to scream!!! Im fighting back going to see him now. I am just going to keep on praying and keep on going to church. Thats all I know to do. Keep my eye on Jesus.
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