I can go either way on the spectrum...I went to Al-Anon as a teenager due to my mother's alcohol abuse. I swore I'd NEVER be her. That I would never put my child through that. Both me & my siblings lived with different family members throughout our childhood, but alcohol was present among the family members...we were just too young to notice, but it was better than where we had just come from. We dealt with physical abuse with the other family members, but we accepted it. It was just part of our lives. To make a long story kind of shorter (Haha!) Fast forward to adulthood...I had a baby when I was 23 with a verbally & physically abusive man. I thought I was "IN LOVE"...I was young, and what example did I have in life other than an alcoholic's view of how life should be. When I had that baby girl...she became my whole life...I WAS HELL BENT on doing what was right for her....not the way I was raised. I ended up FINALLY leaving that relationship for good when he told me he had a cocaine problem two & a half years after my daughter was born. I was emotionally drained by that time & it was SO easy for me to want to let go. I told him, "Well, I'd rather have our daughter visit you on weekends than have her visit you at a cemetary." I trusted NO ONE. It was me & her from then on out...I have NEVER asked for child support. I could do this...I'm a worker, I will provide for my daughter! Mom calls, she's going through a divorce...Move back to California to help my alcoholic mom through her divorce. (Ruined my credit to boot!) Until my back went out a year later. Forced to go on medi-cal & welfare. :( NEVER EXPECTED THAT! They went after him. I heard from him 1 time after that. He called to tell me that if he has to pay...then he wants to see "the kid". I didn't pursue it...I didn't want that in my daughter's life! 3 years of trying to get help w/ my back problems (Dealing w/ doctors, neurologist, etc.. Getting NO answers!!!!)...I HAVE TO WORK! It's my survival, my sanity! My daughter counts on it! I owe it to her...I want the better life for her! Did not even date for years after that! I'm wasn't going to do what my mom did to us! My mom sugested that I find a cocktailing/bartending job cuz I couldn't waitress/ catering anymore...I knew I couldn't w/ my back...I was DONE! My body was done. I finally thought I found "The One"....that would love me, care for me...turns out I was VERY wrong. After thinking I was SOooooo smart I keep making the wrong choices. I am now trying to right all the wrongs I have been doing & have let myself become a part of..I know I will get there. I just can't and am trying not to live with the on going cycle....I need to stop it. (This has turned out longer that I expected, I know. I am just trying to piece together my whole life here. Thank you for reading this.
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