I have a father who is an alcoholic. I am watching this disease destroy his health and all his relationships. I can't even speak to him anymore because I got so sick of the constant abuse. Even hearing about it from my mother makes me angry, and then I hate myself for it. He's not my real father, but that doesn't make me worry less about having some sort of addictive disorder because according to my mother my real father is also an alcoholic. I feel like she has her own addiction because she has always been with alcoholic men who are very abusive, especially to me. I don't really know if that's relevant here, but I just add it on to the list of things I don't understand. I just have no idea what I am supposed to do to get past it because I have finally realized that having all these volatile relationships have significantly affected my ability to maintain any sort of relationships.
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