Well, dont really know how long its been, since jacob ( my coke addicted ex) left............ I know i should be happy but im miserable. He left us days befor my sons birthday and christmas to boot. He left us with a hudge debt and unpaid rent. Luckily family and friends helped out the kids for christmas and such but it still hurts. I know hes better gone but im just so mad that someone could actually do that to their kids. He started to call from treatment says he wants to talk to the kids but my son has stoped crying over him and Im scared talking to him might bring back his pain. I watched my son cry for two weeks straight and my daughter is going through some strange phases to. Jacob says i cant get rid of him but yet im terrified what will happen if they have him as a role model.. What if he keeps coming in and out?? How am i supposed to protect them from that??? How many times do i have to tell them that their dad cant make it because he's sick or we cant do that cause daddy blew all the money. I have been trying to keep my kids busy and we have done more in the past week then six months with out him being there. Do I dare to mess up the progress by letting them talk to their dad and watch them cry again?? What if hes gone for six months and then decides he wants to be part of their life. Im so lost and scared and tired and I know i have to be stronge but i have no direction on where to go from here. I dont want my kids to grow up to be like their father........ What do i do????
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