Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group
Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...
Hi,
Its me, Serenity. I don't know if anyone else is feeling as I am. This will be my first Christmas in 12 yrs. without my husband (Crack Addict). I found that I didn't even want to put up a tree or even celebrate Christmas thinking why bother? I finally got the ladder and went up to the garage attic and pulled down the tree and other boxes with ornaments and once opened the first ornaments I see are the ones that we would buy each year. We started a tradition that each year we would pick out a special ornament to put on the tree that was just for us. I can't seem to hang them on the tree. I am finding myself actually crying and don't even want to look at the Christmas tree. I wonder if he as a Crack Addict feels the same way or are they just numb and feel nothing? I know I should just move on. but I still love him even with all the bad he has done to me. The hurt inside my heart is so bad. I think its beyond broke. I feel he burned it right through my body. Don't know how I can still love him. I just remember and can see the video in my mind of the good time and things we did do together. I am so sad about this. I tried so hard to help. I know he has to do this himself if he ever does.. but ever so often I find myself wondering if there was anything I left out that I could of done. I feel so alone and sad anyone else feeling this too? Not sure what might work to ease the pain to get through?
Its me, Serenity. I don't know if anyone else is feeling as I am. This will be my first Christmas in 12 yrs. without my husband (Crack Addict). I found that I didn't even want to put up a tree or even celebrate Christmas thinking why bother? I finally got the ladder and went up to the garage attic and pulled down the tree and other boxes with ornaments and once opened the first ornaments I see are the ones that we would buy each year. We started a tradition that each year we would pick out a special ornament to put on the tree that was just for us. I can't seem to hang them on the tree. I am finding myself actually crying and don't even want to look at the Christmas tree. I wonder if he as a Crack Addict feels the same way or are they just numb and feel nothing? I know I should just move on. but I still love him even with all the bad he has done to me. The hurt inside my heart is so bad. I think its beyond broke. I feel he burned it right through my body. Don't know how I can still love him. I just remember and can see the video in my mind of the good time and things we did do together. I am so sad about this. I tried so hard to help. I know he has to do this himself if he ever does.. but ever so often I find myself wondering if there was anything I left out that I could of done. I feel so alone and sad anyone else feeling this too? Not sure what might work to ease the pain to get through?
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I gave my 2 week notice last Friday 13th. Now to join you fine people in a life of leisure and nothing else to do but to look out for myself....is it just me or does that sound pretty boring? My goal was to live to retire and I guess having to take early retirement because of health reasons wasn't exactly the way I had planned things. I just can't stay in that building that is reeking mildew...
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I'm trying to exercise daily. I was doing fairly well until I sprained my ankle 2 weeks ago but now I'm getting back on the horse. Today I walked over a mile with my arm weights that are about 22lbs total. I was out of shape and it was hard on my arms. I also did my 30 situps. I'm also going to drink a lot of water and try to eat healthy. I do tend to have a sweet tooth but I'm cutting...
yes i feel sad this time of year too. its hard for a lot of people.
maybe its too soon to put out the ornaments that you bought together. perhaps you can put some up that you had from before your relationship... or go buy a box of news ones.. you can get a whole box for like $2.99 at target.
start a NEW tradition!
call a friend. thats advice that a lot of people have been giving me and it really does work.
warm wishes for you tonight.
It is true, they told me I should call my friends and be less of a loner....
If I were you I would trash all that and buy new stuff.
That is why I am trying to do, not to own anything that reminds me of him. I've got enough memories already.
Hugs to you
This year, he's drinking himself to death, disappearing, I found out he cheated on me, he promised to get help...only to disappear again. He moved out most of his stuff...but nobody knows where he went. My guess is its to his little white trash whores house. So he gets to be with a whore, get drunk and not feel...
while I sit here alone, with all the memories of our life, feeling every horrible heart wrenching sobbing painful moment.
This was supposed to be our good Christmas together! We have tickets to go to the ballet and see the Nutcracker! Now I think I'll just burn the tickets...
Baaah humbug!
And you know what's the worst?? Christmas Jewelry commercials! Those make me want to stab out my eyeballs!
I too am having a hard time with christmas this year. The sad thing is that I LOVE Christmas. My reasons for hating christmas is because it was destroyed for my son. His first year really believing in Santa and really getting into it and I will be doing dollar store shopping for him. My husband still gets everything that he needs and wants. But I am trying to do the best. I guess I am kind of lucky because my son is making it so that I don't have too and can't focus on the bad. It's just not fair to them.
I agree with Jenny. Start a new tradition. try to make an ordament. Craft stores have lots of different ideas and it could be theraputic ( spelling?) This way you can have an ordament that is just yours and can reflect the way that you feel.
My husband is also a crack addict. Like you, I worked hard, but I couldn't fix him. It's not your fault--it's the drug. My heart is crushed, but I hide behind a lot of numbness and denial so I don't feel the pain.
I'm Jewish so Christmas doesn't mean anything to me personally. I know, however, that the holidays are a difficult time for many people. It is totally normal to be depressed and upset when you've just lost someone who was an important part of your life.
I agree with JennyLyn--you can try starting your own holiday traditions, get new decorations, change the scenery to lift your mood, give some presents to yourself.
But it might be too early for that. You might need to just HIBERNATE this Christmas, not work too hard, not see too many people, and just spend some time crying and feeling the pain. That's OK too. It's OK to be in mourning when something like this happens.