Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group
Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...
My Girlfriend is an addict very traumaticPosted on 01/01/09, 10:12 pm Hi folks hope someone is out there! My girlfriend of a year is a addict cocaine and marajana. We lived together for over a year. She went to rehab for a month and got put out and sent somewere else and she hated it I went and picked her up. She was supposed to go back and it had been alost five months. She disappears sometimes as well. I know she loves me but here love of the drugs seems to be more. I hear stories of her with older men seniors who provide her money for drugs and possibly excanges of favors if you know what I mean. She appears after two days at least. I can't take it anymore. She was good for a while but always regresses.
My anger has gotten to the point were we have physcal altercations and I have to leave the house when I get mad. She has moved some of here things out and she is going back to her old ways because she a basiclly homeless living for neighbor to neighbor and so on and so forth. She is falling deeper into addiction again.
I love her very much and I wish she wasn't sick. She always comes back after her bouts with the drugs usally two days at most. She has been lieing and has started taking sums of money on a very few occasions. She finds ways to get marajuana before she even provides herself with food. I'm depresses and sad because I know she is a wonderful person but her drug addication and other related disorders always get in the way. What should I do? Should I just end it or should I talk to her and drive her to rehab? Its tough!
My anger has gotten to the point were we have physcal altercations and I have to leave the house when I get mad. She has moved some of here things out and she is going back to her old ways because she a basiclly homeless living for neighbor to neighbor and so on and so forth. She is falling deeper into addiction again.
I love her very much and I wish she wasn't sick. She always comes back after her bouts with the drugs usally two days at most. She has been lieing and has started taking sums of money on a very few occasions. She finds ways to get marajuana before she even provides herself with food. I'm depresses and sad because I know she is a wonderful person but her drug addication and other related disorders always get in the way. What should I do? Should I just end it or should I talk to her and drive her to rehab? Its tough!
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I gave my 2 week notice last Friday 13th. Now to join you fine people in a life of leisure and nothing else to do but to look out for myself....is it just me or does that sound pretty boring? My goal was to live to retire and I guess having to take early retirement because of health reasons wasn't exactly the way I had planned things. I just can't stay in that building that is reeking mildew...
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I'm trying to exercise daily. I was doing fairly well until I sprained my ankle 2 weeks ago but now I'm getting back on the horse. Today I walked over a mile with my arm weights that are about 22lbs total. I was out of shape and it was hard on my arms. I also did my 30 situps. I'm also going to drink a lot of water and try to eat healthy. I do tend to have a sweet tooth but I'm cutting...
It is tough and living with an addict is a long rollercoaster ride. I suggest alanon, like here it is people that are going through and have been through the same issues. They will help you with out judging you.
And really that is what you should be doing focusing in on you. You didn't cause her to use. You can't stop her from using either. I read alot about her in your post..... what about you.
You have to demonstrate love by loving yourself enough to recognize and remove toxicity from your own life. She can only love you to the degree that she loves herself, and that degree is quite limited by how she is obviously expressing that she doesn't love herself too much right now.
You can support her, not by staying with her and trying to 'help' her, but by giving her the responsibility of helping herself.... and HONORING her right to decide not to. Frankly, its her life to destroy, but that doesn't mean you have to go along and have yours destroyed too.
I've been there more than once. INfact, today is the anniversary of someone I love deeply being lost to a drug overdose. I had distanced myself some time prior. So when, a few months ago, I got a call from another socalled friend, an addict, who was crying the blues and needing a place to stay... it was all that much harder to not say "come stay with me"... I offered to give her a ride to a professional facility, which she declined, and for all I know she slept on the street that night. I buried one friend due to the choices that he made, and it was hard to not just want to 'save' this friend from herself. But that is not something that it is truly in my power to do. I had to let her go... and hit bottom.
Addicts are chameleons they can act almost human and be nice for a short period of time but it is ALWAYS with one purpose - To entrap someone into enabling them with their addiction. Slowmoving makes a good point go to a Narcanon meeting or Alanon meeting... you'll get a lot of support and help. You are doing ALL the wrong things for her and for you. An Addict only has one relationship and that is with their drug. An addict in recovery less than a year should only have a relationship with their sponsor. You may not like hearing this...but Emar is right, the only thing you are doing is enabling her.
You cannot cause, cure or control her addiction. Until she hits bottom (loses, her job, car, a place to live, all her friends, family, etc, she is NOT going to get into recovery and work the program seriously. Addiction is a life-long battle and less than 5% of addicts get and stay in recovery. There are only 3 outcomes for addicts: Jail, Death or insanity.
You need to love yourself more than you care about fixing her.
But really, when you get to the point you want to smack em it's time to move on.
You only have 2 choices.
1. Accept her as she is and you change.
2. Let her go and move on with your life.
Peace
Joe