
Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group
Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...

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Hi i stumbled across this website hoping to talk with people that understand what im going through.. Im a 28 year old single mom with 3 kids and my boyfriend is a crack addict...
We have been together for 2 years and i love him so much he helps me with the kids and they are not even his.
you;ll have to excuse me im no good at putting things into words especially about this. Well for the past 5 days hes been on a binge he used to smoke crack before but he stopped and now its started all over again. but this time its different now hes taking my money and he's holed up in the bathroom for hours on end.. Im losing him and its killing me im so depressed causei no matter what i do i cant seem to help him open uo his eyes and see what hes doing to me and my kids they think of him as their dad and even they sense something wrong with him and me. I cry all the time i dont ven want to get out of bed anymore i figure why should i work hes just goin to get his hands on the money and blow it all. i know this aint healthy for either one of us but i cant let him go.. I wish there was something i can do to help him but so far i havefailed at everything..
We have been together for 2 years and i love him so much he helps me with the kids and they are not even his.
you;ll have to excuse me im no good at putting things into words especially about this. Well for the past 5 days hes been on a binge he used to smoke crack before but he stopped and now its started all over again. but this time its different now hes taking my money and he's holed up in the bathroom for hours on end.. Im losing him and its killing me im so depressed causei no matter what i do i cant seem to help him open uo his eyes and see what hes doing to me and my kids they think of him as their dad and even they sense something wrong with him and me. I cry all the time i dont ven want to get out of bed anymore i figure why should i work hes just goin to get his hands on the money and blow it all. i know this aint healthy for either one of us but i cant let him go.. I wish there was something i can do to help him but so far i havefailed at everything..
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Please know I have to say this, and that being you are putting yourself in danger of losing your children by the possibility of him bringing drugs into your home. They swear they won't but many do, and I have seen many innocent moms lose their children because of it. So, I feel, I must mention that to you.
We have to detach from our addicts and let go with love. We have to have strong boundaries for us, mean what we say and say what we mean. Because if we don't, they will never take us seriously. As long as we enable, which is to do for them what they "could" or "should" be doing for themselves, we are helping them stay sick. This does not mean we are responsible for their addiction, but we need to not be any part of supporting them while active in this disease. As long as we do that, we are a part of the problem. As the saying goes, "An addict will not seek recovery on a good day." As long as they can find a way to keep the money flow going, they will keep going. As long as they can find someone to pick up "their" mess, they will keep going. Until they hit "their bottom" whatever that is, they will keep going. Why? Because they are very sick with this disease.
They will lie, and they will steal and eventually we stop being surprised. I know that sounds tough, but what it really means, it we educate ourselves on addiction and we understand what these drugs do to people. They cannot think clearly while their minds are saturated with drugs or alcohol.
I would suggest you get the book Codependent No More by Melody Beattie. She is a recovering addict with a great story for all of us.
See about face to face meetings in your area, either al-anon or nar-anon.
AND post here all you need to for love and support. We are a family that will walk WITH you on this painful journey.
What happens to us is exactly what you have described. We get as sick as the addict without ever taking the drugs, if we don't have a recovery program for US. We lose sleep, we develop illnesses from the stress, and we fall apart. You need to be there for "you and the children." because there is nothing you can do FOR him....sadly.
We support them when they are in recovery. That is something we can always do.
You did not cause this, you cannot change this and you cannot cure this. This is something you are powerless over.
I hope you will keep posting and again, WELCOME to our family...
Blessings..
EllaBlue