(((LoL))))) I understand. We all understand hun. My daughter is the addict in my life. First of all, addiction is a disease, and it progresses without treatment. He needs recovery, and sadly there is nothing you can do "for him", but there is a lot you can do for you and the children. We need to take GOOD care of ourselves, because no matter what you do, he IS going to do what he is going to do. Sadly, we cannot "love" them into recovery. Again, this is a disease. And as personal as this feels, he is not doing this "TO" you. The drugs are in control of his life.

Please know I have to say this, and that being you are putting yourself in danger of losing your children by the possibility of him bringing drugs into your home. They swear they won't but many do, and I have seen many innocent moms lose their children because of it. So, I feel, I must mention that to you.

We have to detach from our addicts and let go with love. We have to have strong boundaries for us, mean what we say and say what we mean. Because if we don't, they will never take us seriously. As long as we enable, which is to do for them what they "could" or "should" be doing for themselves, we are helping them stay sick. This does not mean we are responsible for their addiction, but we need to not be any part of supporting them while active in this disease. As long as we do that, we are a part of the problem. As the saying goes, "An addict will not seek recovery on a good day." As long as they can find a way to keep the money flow going, they will keep going. As long as they can find someone to pick up "their" mess, they will keep going. Until they hit "their bottom" whatever that is, they will keep going. Why? Because they are very sick with this disease.

They will lie, and they will steal and eventually we stop being surprised. I know that sounds tough, but what it really means, it we educate ourselves on addiction and we understand what these drugs do to people. They cannot think clearly while their minds are saturated with drugs or alcohol.

I would suggest you get the book Codependent No More by Melody Beattie. She is a recovering addict with a great story for all of us.
See about face to face meetings in your area, either al-anon or nar-anon.
AND post here all you need to for love and support. We are a family that will walk WITH you on this painful journey.

What happens to us is exactly what you have described. We get as sick as the addict without ever taking the drugs, if we don't have a recovery program for US. We lose sleep, we develop illnesses from the stress, and we fall apart. You need to be there for "you and the children." because there is nothing you can do FOR him....sadly.

We support them when they are in recovery. That is something we can always do.
You did not cause this, you cannot change this and you cannot cure this. This is something you are powerless over.

I hope you will keep posting and again, WELCOME to our family...
Blessings..
EllaBlue

When they are on crack, nobody can have them, only the crack can have them.

So sorry you are going through this. EllaBlue said it all - very well written. Keep reading her post over and over and that will help you so much. We are all hear to support you, and all are in the same boats.

Please; for the sake of your innocent children, listen to what EllaBlue is telling you. My daughter is a 30 year-old crack addict and I took her son from her. When I realized what she was doing, I went to court and now I have permanent custody of him. You can not change your boyfriend. Only he can do that and it doesn't sound like he's ready. Write me anytime if you need someone to talk to.

i will keep u in my prayers, u need to listen to eliablue, my daughter is my addict, she is not on crack praise god, but she is hooked on drinking & weed, she has already left her 1 week old baby to go & get drunk, u need to think of ur kids first. i will keep u in my prayers.