Wednesday, it would have been my brother's 25th birthday. When I was little, he was always my idol, my role model, my big brother. I always wanted to do something he'd like. I was always a tomboy, everybody thought I was a boy actually. I was always really attached to my brother and I think there was a stronger bond between the two of us than between him and my twin sister. I just liked the same things as he did, and my sister always was ar girly girl. I can't believe how much it hurts to think of our time together. Shouldn't you feel happy when thinking about happy times? Instead there's always this pressure building up in my chest, as if it was going to explode. I only allow myself to cry when I'm alone. I just don't want my family to see. Last Friday, I had a course in uni. It was a very small group of students and we had to prepare newspaper articles for that day. One of the girls chose one about teenage suicide. I felt so uncomfortable, all this pain swelling inside me and it was so hard to speak when I had to answer a question. I don't want to feel this pain anymore. I just want it to go away.
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