I ask myself those same questions about my dad. He succeeded in killing himself 2 years ago this Sept. I am so very happy your husband is still alive though I know how much you must be hurting. I think I have come to the realisation that when they do it they aren't in their "right mind". Think of it as literally having a moment of insanity. Thoughts of everything just leave their minds. All they feel and think about is pain. I have had these thoughts on many occasion but fortunately I had that next few seconds that brought me "back". When someone kills themself I believe they go into the dark and then just do whatever they can to get out of it. I do hope he is able to find the help and peace he needs. It is going to be difficult for you and your family but you can make it through this. He needs to know you love and NEED him. You would not be better off without him. I am here if you need to talk.

I really think our loved ones who get this far are NOT thinking about us. It has nothing to do with how much they love us, it doesn't mean they're "leaving" us, they're trying desperately to escape unimaginable pain. It isn't about anyone else. Be patient with yourself, as well as him.

I agree with the others that have replied to your post. All I can say is they (the people who attempt suicide) aren't thinking about anyone or anything else but the pain. It's the nature of the disease. Don't take his actions so personally...like he's doing it intentionally TO you. Men are the greatest deceivers when it comes to suicide...because they've been taught it's not masculine to show their feelings. Is that how your husband was raised?

I'm so glad he's still with you and you have another chance to help him. Now you know and that had to be such a big thing for him.

Be supportive and try to understand, as best you can. It's not easy and remember...he isn't doing anything intentional, when they get in this frame of mind they can't think of anything but the pain. It's like a trance, that's the best way I can explain it.

Take care and I'll be praying for you,
Jackie

My dad was a suicide. I unfortunately can understand even if the pain almost killed me. I have been suicidal all my life, well since 8. For me there is an over wheming feeling of hopelessness and sadness. Sometimes I know know why, It's just there. The meds make it go away. I would now never do it , because I know how it affects people you leave behind. We were both emotionally abused by my mother. But even after getting away from her, I felt useless. Slowly getting better again. It's hard to describe. It's like a dark cloud and a 10 ton weight sitting in your brain. Some days no is no rhyme or reason, The cloud is just there.
Sometimes I sit and write, about things that make me happy, things that I am good at or enjoy. other days the dark side pops up. I should stop throwing them out. I might get some insight............... Does your husband take any medications? I finally started years ago, it lifts the cloud.

I lost my son to suicide 8 months ago. I have been going to a support group led by a counselor. I guess you could call it group therapy. We have discussed this subject. I have come to believe that their pain is so great this is their way of seeking relief. One thing we also learned is they aren't really seeking death but rather looking for peace. I am so glad your husband is still with you. You need to realize he is not trying to "leave you" but trying to find peace & relief from his pain. Remember this is a disease just as if he had cancer & he has no control over the situation. Make sure he keeps getting treatment & perhaps see a therapist yourself to see what you can do to help him.

I am so sorry for your pain. I am glad to hear your husband is still with you and your kids. It is very awful and tragic; unfortunately we have never been depressed in the same degree as someone who attempts or dies by suicide.

Your husband does not want to leave you and your kids, he is so much pain he can't think of anything but the darkness he is in. I am so sorry for what you are going through. I know it is very painful for you as well. My thoughts and prayers are with all of you. I pray your husband gets the help he needs and finds his way out of the darkness.

i agree wth the above comment,
i myself also have attemted suicide numerous times, it snot that we dont care about our loved ones its that weve had enough living in the pain that we feel, all depressions are different, i cant talk to my husband about it becoz i dont want him to know how i feel i think he would see me different im glad your husband didnt succeed, i dont know what else to ssay sorry just remember he does love you and your kids xxx

Thanks for all your thoughts. It really helps to hear others point of view. I'm doing much better thanks to you and also my husband has been doing so good. He's got a better attitude about life. His time in therapy has given him some really good tools to help him and we've shared alot so I got a better understanding of what he was going thru as well as what all of you have shared. Thank you all so much.

It's got to be so hard, you know? Hard to the point that none of us, unless we succeed in ending our own lives will ever fully understand. No one living can answer this question. But what we can do is hold up the ones left behind. Suicide is like a fuck you for the lasting family members and friends. It's effect last longer and the scars are invisible but dictate many choices made by it's survivors. I think as long as you know that you have a little more hope than who you have survived, thats the missing piece your loved one didn't have. Be grateful and hang on to your hope. It's a gift that some lost along the way. Much love to your mourning and your struggle.