I lost my fiancee in July to suicide, and I still have a very hard time with it everyday, the days make it a little easier but still not a day goes by that I dont think or cry cause I miss him so very much, I wish I had been there with him when he was thinking of doing what he did, but he talked about doing it for years and never did so I never took him seroius cause he would talk about it when he was drunk and thats why I never belived him but the one time I should have I didnt, but he is at peace now and has no more worrys now and he is up in heaven with all the loved ones he missed so dearly, and I have to only pray that one day I will be with him again and until that day comes I just have to continue loving him as if he was still on this earth, hugss to you

That is what we are all here for, support, never feel bad to ask for it. I am so very sorry for your loss, I can not imagine how hard it is for you. My sister has been gone for 2 yrs now, and as hard as it is for me, I know it is horrible for her daughter. May peace find you and your family in this really tough time...

Just email if you need to talk. We have been through it, too.

I lost my youngest son Dec. 23, 1998 over a girlfriend breaking his heart. There isn't a day I don't "talk" to him and even though its been nearly 9 years ago...which still feels like yesterday...I still fall apart suddenly and have to allow myself to grieve and then smile because I know he's OK now.
My son as your father must have been - was in SO much pain and despair he felt he couldn't deal with it another day. I personally, have also been to this point, but failed my attempt.
God felt I needed to be here for others I guess.
It is hard to understand for most. I knew why my son did it because we spoke the night before. But he also promised he wouldn't hurt himself.

There are steps to grief and you have to allow yourself to go through all of them. Especially the anger and abandonment you will feel. I got SO angry with Casey for leaving me like he did. I was 800 miles away and helpless. He didn't give me time to move him here with me...but truthfully, I couldn't have "fixed" it.
Guilt is something else you will most likely go through. I know I did and even my own father blamed me.
Just understand YOU are not to blame. They just feel SO bad about whatever is in their life...they see no other way out.
Another thing...do NOT listen to the idiot people who play the "blame game" on either you or your family. This can be a REALLY harsh thing to deal with. My ex- pastors wife committed suicide and I warned the congregation there would be blame...they didn't believe me. Yet the public nearly became a lynch mob! Is was awful and that pastor - is no longer a pastor. He couldn't deal with the personal attacks and the church lost over 100 members and now their pastor because people just couldn't let it go.

I deal with it and dealt with it then the best way I knew how. Don't shut yourself away because you will feel like you want to. Its OK to cry, its OK to get angry and its OK to scream if you want. Don't listen to those who tell you "it will get better" or "you need to get over it". They mean well...but suicide is different. It leaves you with a LOT of questions and "what if"'s.
I am not an expert but after 9 years I have learned how to help others some. It certainly doesn't mean I still don't grieve and get mad or cry like a baby at times. Christmas...will never be the same for me and each year my head replays the phone calls...the words...and I feel things just like that day. BUT...having said that...you CAN smile at his memory...the good times you had...being blessed for having the time God gave you with him...AND to know he's out of his mental struggle to survive life.
Feel free to contact me anytime and I hope I have not offended you or anyone else in this community. This is just my opinion and things I have personally dealt with.
Bless you and I pray for comfort for you while you try to search for answers. They will not come easy...if they come at all.

I am very sorry for your loss. I agree with tigger, it has only been 1and 1/2 yrs since my brother hanged himself but around 16 yrs since my grandma and they both were so different. My brother threatened for 20 yrs and then finally did it, my grandma I was in shock. There is nothing like the pain of suicide, only we understand. Like I said in my message, I am more spiritual now and just spend time with people who let me be me and talk about him or cry if I want. You need to take care of yourself and remember they were tortured souls on earth, god took them to be his angels and be at peace and watch over us. They are in such despair they don't know what they are doing. I'm here if you want to talk, I was on this computer day in and day out crying when it first happened and people saved my life. Take care honey!
Kel

I am new to this group, also. My sister committed suicide a month ago. It's great that you're reaching out to people who care - all of us do and we know the pain and can maybe offer some ways to cope. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

I lost my brother violently as well, it's been over a year. Finding this group helps me a lot, knowing I can come here and talk about guilt or fear or "why" and have people know what that means is a relief on it's own. I'm so sorry your Dad is gone, and you're left behind. I know how that feels, and I hate that you are feeling it too.

I am so very sorry for your loss. I'm here if you want to talk. I lost my love to suicide and depression. This is a great site for support. Write to me anytime.