Sweetie, you're in shock. Each of us feels it differently, some of us are in shock for different lengths of time. For me, the shock lasted all of a few minutes before I became hysterical. Either way, it's hard, because if it isn't a flood of emotions then it's wondering why you have a lack of them. I think you need to seek crisis counselling right away, it helps to set yourself up right for dealing with this as your feelings/thoughts change. I'm so sorry for you and your children, it is so important now, no matter what you're feeling, to have the conviction to show them love through this. I'm not saying "be strong" because being weak in grief is part of it too. But don't lose sight of those babies of yours, don't lose yourself in guilt or shock or grief. Bring them close, for you, for them, because love is the strongest thing you will have, now and later, to deal with all of this.

it hits everyone in a different way my ex husband slowly drank himself to death and died 2 mos afte my bro hanged himself, it devastated me, i tried to help him in the end bit it did not work, i blame mysef for not taking care of him but I am remarried to soomeone ele, it eats me alive that maybe if I moved in to take care of him he would have lived, but he wouldn't . you will grieve in your own way, I am getting over him faster than I thougt, but he is the father of your kids and a very special part of your life, you will grieve in your own time. don't feel bad about anything it is not your fault. take care, kelly

I have to agree that you are in shock. Also why do you feel you HAVE to feel guilty? Where you suppose to stay in a relationship YOU weren't happy in?
Your ex made a choice that was out of your control. My ex currently has cancer and even though I feel bad...I will not weep when he passes. That part of my life is over. Maybe this is how you also feel but in NO way should you blame the outcome of HIS decision on yourself. You have my prayers.

You do not have to feel guilt.
You may feel a million different things still to come. I agree about being in shock. Guilt, NO.

maybe you and your ex had enough closure between you? Mine was just diagnosed with possible cancer, and I am having a hard time caring. It may hit you later, pay attention to your body, mental health so it does not catch you unaware. Tell your doctor. Grief can play hell on a depressive episode.

I agree...you might be in shock but no one should ever feel guilty of a loved one's suicide. We have NO control over anyone or what they do. We can only help if they ask for it but when someone wants to die, believe me, they'll do it. LIke one post read, you might have gotten the closure you needed without realizing it. You were right when you said you loved your ex even though you were no longer in love with him. Please don't feel like you have to beat yourself up. I think you're doing really good. Take care.