Don't ever blame yourself. YOU had nothing to do with it. She's a grown up so why do you feel any responsibility for her selfish actions? If she had robbed a bank that day would you feel guilty? YOU just keep being YOU

Honey from experience it is hard to be sober.You can no longer find the depression and it gets worse day by day.My ex just killed himself 26 days ago we were both recovered him 20 years me 15.He couldn't take the pain inside anymore so do like i am keep loving her and know it had nothing to do with you. She was just in pain Kalei

sweety, I watched my dad kill himself with alcohol and painkillers. It was a slow death and I knew it would be tragic. He drowned in a pool all by himself. He was an avid swimmer and was very active even though he had been permanently disabled due to a back injury.
I lost my brother to suicide and it really hurts anyway you look at it.Death is hard and we all have regrets even when we didn't do anything wrong or to deserve it. You need support and I am here if you ever want to send me private messages.
I was raisewd with alcohol in my life and I know that an alcoholic parent was never all there, but we still miss the good times that we had and their presence. I actually shared with a counselor today that when I see a penny anywhere by itself in an odd place, I always think my dad is saying have courage and be strong. Because that's what he use to say when I was sad or depressed.

My heart goes out to you.
I hope you find the support you need.
You may want to check www.afsp.org.
May Thanksgiving bring you some peace.

Surviving Suicide Loss

AFSP reaches out to survivors of suicide with two goals in mind:

* To offer the support that is so vital, particularly to the newly bereaved; and
* to provide opportunities for survivors to get involved, through a wide variety of educational, outreach, awareness, advocacy and fundraising programs

AFSP works

Oh honey, there was nothing you could do. I am 43, and my mom was a pill addict all my life, she caused alot of pain for the family. I was so mean to her all of my life. Then when I was 21 my dad divorced her, he couldn't take it anymore, she a year later moved in with her parents 10 hrs from me. She didn't come to my wedding, she continued to take pills, her mother shot herself and she found her, she still took pills, she found a second husband and still the pills, finally he left her, then she got cancer, but she slit her wrists for attention and I still wouldn't move there. She ended up dying from Cancer 2 mos later. Good thing because her only son my only sibling hanged himself and luckily she wasn't around for that, but I was. I am also a alcoholic/drug addict, in and out of AA, it is the hardest thing I have ever tried to do. At the end I did go and help her, and visit and then to bury her. No matter what she was my mom. Still I have resentments, but now I understand the addictions. But as many times as I fought with her and she relapsed, I used to blame myself, but it is them, they are mentally ill and there is nothing you can do to stop them if they really want to do it. My exhusband died 2 mos after my brother from drinking himself to death, and luckily god had brought him back into my life and I tried to help him in AA, but he put people to sleep for a living and had a motorcycle accident and couldn't do it anymore, money meant everything to him so he decided to drink himself to death. I guess the insight is it is definitely not your fault and just learn to forgive and think about the good times, I still get mad at her but what are you going to do, she has been gone for 4 yrs and it still hurts. It is not our fault. I tried to help my brother, and he had several attempts but when they really want to do it, they will and not tell anyone. Please try to take care of yourself, I know it is rough, but that is what they would have wanted. Addiction is a horrible thing, I have relapsed many times, and when you are sober you do have to face everything head on without any mood altering things, it is very hard. She would have done it anyway. I am here if you want to talk. Kelly

My father had a drinking problem along with drugs. He seemed to push us all away the last few months of his life. You said there was a part of you that wasn't suprised by your mothers action & I know how you feel. I feel horrible for even considering that thought but in a way, I think about it & it seems like it was only a matter of time. I've realized like Kalei said below when someone does this to themself its because they can't live with themselves anymore, not because of anyone else. You shouldn't feel guilty. Ever.

I am so sorry for your loss and we all at one time or another had feelings of guilt. You had nothing to do with any of it, I hope you realize that. She knows how much you loved her even though there was a wedge in your relationship with her. I don't imagine it will help you feel any less horrible, but one day you will.

my mum done it 20 yrs ago and i still ask what if i did this or what if i did that?
nothing will change things, so please dont ever blame yourself - ever - if you d have stayed for dinner that night she would have done it again, when you hadnt,
mine had a few attempts to do it before finally succeeding,so youd think i could have stopped her doing it again? i was only 16 and always think why didnt i stop her ? wish i had? but ive been told time and time again if id have stopped her once or twice she would have still done it again
when these peopleare that desperate ,nothing will stop them, its the only way they feel they will ever find peace.
i would strongly recommend you get counselling, it does help, ive had it 3 times in 20 yrs and it has helped me cope with it all
i really feel for you
xxx