ive been going though all of jamies things tonight reading the poems looking at drawings he did. i came across a drawing of me pregnant. below it said my two angels my little girls. we didnt know that we were having a girl :S it really suprises me. as i kept searching for an answer. i found a envolope with my name on it. inside the envolope had a letter to me and our daughter. it said. my dear angel. now that your reading this you know im gone. i dont want you or our little girl to shed tears for me as i am up here in heaven looking down. ive ended my pain and suffering for the both of us. no more painful radiation treatments no more suffering. i want you to know it is not your fault why im not here. and i want you to know that i still live in our daughter. nothing could have saved me from what i did. im still smiling and happy. that chill you get up and down your spine is me standing over you. when you wake at night i dont mean to scare im just making sure your alright. when our baby girl laughs shes laughing at me because im making faces. i want you to know that its ok to move on but to always keep me close to your heart and keep my alive in hope.( i named my little girl hope because jamie always said hope would keep us close how weird is that .. he knew id pick that name.) there is more but its to hard to think about it.. after all these years i finally find a reason why.. but that answer to the question only opens up a whole new room filled with more questions! why did he feel so hopeless. i knew he had cancer. but he was fighting it. im so lost!
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