Hi Amy, welcome. Sometimes, I say it, sometimes I don't. Depends on how I feel they will respond. If I think they can't handle it, I simply say, it's personal, or I prefer not to talk about it right now. Adding the "right now" indicates that you may still be grieving; it let's everyone off the hook. I'm interested in hearing from you because I have children and their father committed suicide this year. Hugs to you...

I know what you mean. My brother killed himself and people look at me funny or like they don't believe me. I just shrug my shoulders and walk away.

It's still hard for me to say the words when it comes up. I don't talk about it freely, but when I have talked about it, usually with people I know enough to trust with it, I can say the "S" word. For you it's much more complicated. My mom told me she heard from a group she goes to that they use the phrase "died by suicide." It seems trivial, but it does seem to offset the reaction a bit. Honestly, I've gotten to a point now where if the other person asks, then they should be ready for the answer, and if they become uncomfortable with it after that then we can talk weather or football or something. It's not your fault, and you have nothing to be ashamed of. Chosen1's answer was also superb. Tactful and to the point, it's all anyone needs to know if that's all you feel like telling them!

You could always say, "I wasn't born yet, I don't really know the details". But remember you don't OWE anyone an answer or explanation. I am careful who I tell about suicide, people do react in so many ways, often not positive.
If you need to answer but want to be vague, there's always, "He was out of the picture before I was born..." and let 'em think what they like. Chosen1 answer here is very good.

I noticed lately that my companion doesn't tell his family. my older son doesn't mention it to his friends. I myself don't have any qualms. the way people react is their problem. I love my son and always will and I hurt for the hurt that made him feel suicide was the only way out for him. I will support him for the rest of my life, even though once in a while I get angry that he did it.

Welcome...I am glad you found us.....There are many wonderful people in this community. You know for me, it depends on who is asking me. If it is someone I feel close enough too, I say it, my sister committed suicide 2 yrs ago. If I do not, if they are new in my life, I just say she passes away due to an eating disorder (which is true as well). I agree with the other post though, you do not owe anyone any type of explaination, if you do not feel comfortable, dont. If I feel strong, I can speak the words, that is not always though....I wish you much peace with dealing with this issue, please know you are not alone.....

Thankyou so much for all of your understanding responses. I think it's just hard for me knowing that my father didn't love me enough before I was born to stop him committing suicide. However I do try to keep an open mind, he was mentally ill. He was an alcoholic and had attempted suicide a few times before it worked. I really do appreciate all of these kind words, I've never known anyone else affected by suicide, and my mum doesn't like talking about it, which I try to respect

I agree with everyone else. I immediately read books on suicide - reading has always helped me in this way. I read that saying "died of suicide" puts the death on what happened, not on my son personally or our family. I tell people who are close to me or know me. And others, I just don't talk to. There will always be those who want to know because they care for you and there are others who are nosey. You decide what to say and who you share this trauma with. Afterall, loved ones are the only important thing in our lives. always, Shirley

well... I'm glad you found us!!! when asked about my parents death I often don't say anymore than I want to... it depends who is asking... I live in a small town... so anytime anyone hears my last name... they already know the story, since it was all over the papers... if I feel someone is just looking for gossip I will tell them flat out it's personal and none of their business. Don't ever feel like you have to answer anyone!! I hope you find this place as helpful as I have

Welcome, well my opinion is I don't care anymore what I say, people just have to deal with it! I tell whoever wants to know, I shock some people, my husband says I am mean I say oh well I am the one living it, would they like to try that?! OK, I'm done venting, it is totall up to you. YOU don't owe anyone an explanation. take care, Kelly

Hi Amy. I'm fairly new to this group, also, as my sister committed suicide on 10/18/07. Just as we survivors have trouble dealing with this personal shock, people around us aren't quite sure how to react when we tell them. Even doctors are at a loss for words sometimes. I try to be as open as possible, without being too blunt. I think it's only fair to "go easy" on others when they respond - it can't be easy for them either. God Bless You!

I can't remember where I saw it, somewhere here on DS, and it struck me to the heart- someone said "I will not let my loved one's suicide be his defining characteristic." That's one reason I'm finding, as time passes from the event, that I'm even more careful of telling people my guy killed himself. Anyone really important to me should know, but the average person in your life? My guy should NOT be defined by his last act. He was a lovely, intelligent, vibrant man before he was "a suicide". Damned if I want anyone to forget that.

I agree with Towey...I really don't care anymore how people react. They are clueless when it comes to suicide. I am careful and reserved when it comes to telling people. Some people I tell, some I don't. My life, my way...your life, your way. It is hard and I am sorry you have to go through these feeling of what other people think. Just remember sweetie...your feelings come first!