The fact that my parents committed suicide was and still is devistating to me.... I would never go out and find a way to kill myself!!! However, sometimes I wonder if I AM doing it too. I don't sleep and I don't eat... I'm getting weeker... I care about very little and I can barely get out of bed. I force myself to eat for my daughter... but not because I want to stay alive... only because if I went she would have no-one... she would end up in fostercare and I'll never put her through the hell I went through...I know I am sick, and I know first hand how devistating the loss is when you parent dies from their own hand, and yet I can barely keep it together. No one understands, certainly not the bill collectors. How do I get better...(no-one in my life knows how bad it really is.... I'm afraid if I told them they would leave me too) I only leave my room to go to work or if my child needs something. I just don't know how to start living again.
Posts You May Be Interested In
I have been here before, a long long time ago and now I am back.Forgive me for not just saying what I want to say,even under a triple dose of antidepressants it is still raw and seeping and I am hesitant at revealing it as at least under the bandages around my heart I don,t have to look at how raw and wounded.My child was cleaved from my heart by his own actions. my child of ten,turning eleven...
theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??