The fact that my parents committed suicide was and still is devistating to me.... I would never go out and find a way to kill myself!!! However, sometimes I wonder if I AM doing it too. I don't sleep and I don't eat... I'm getting weeker... I care about very little and I can barely get out of bed. I force myself to eat for my daughter... but not because I want to stay alive... only because if I went she would have no-one... she would end up in fostercare and I'll never put her through the hell I went through...I know I am sick, and I know first hand how devistating the loss is when you parent dies from their own hand, and yet I can barely keep it together. No one understands, certainly not the bill collectors. How do I get better...(no-one in my life knows how bad it really is.... I'm afraid if I told them they would leave me too) I only leave my room to go to work or if my child needs something. I just don't know how to start living again.
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