A close friend of mine committed suicide about a month ago. I got a call at work from a mutual friend, the person who actually introduced us. We were all very tight and used to do a lot of things together. Through the years we grew a part (me from them) as I got married, established myself professionally and became a mother (of 3 small children), but we always kept in touch and still occassionally got together. The last time we all got together was when I was 8 months pregnant with my youngest child, who is now 6 months old. We vowed to get together again after I had my baby, and later made plans to do so. I cancelled on them a few days before our planned gathering because I had some other things going on, and said I'd reschedule soon. A month and a half later my friend was dead. I was just going to call to schedule for the weekend she ended up killing herself. She never got to meet my baby, but she did buy her gifts that were given to me at her funeral. I can't bear to use them, or even look at them. I get the biggest lump in my throat and the biggest knot in my stomach every time I even look at them, so they're put away. I'm getting the lump and knot just writting about them now. Anyway, I feel so incredibly guilty that I (a) cancelled on her, (b) never rescheduled in time for her to meet my baby, (c) that she didn't feel like she could count on me for support (I never knew the depths of her depression and despair) and (d) that I can't even bring myself to use the baby gifts she picked out and bought for my baby. The other issue I'm struggling with greatly is that my friend who informed me of her suicide KNEW she'd been suicidal for quite some time. Apparently my friend who killed herself had exhibited all the signs of being suicidal AND actually told our mutual friend that she had specific plans to do so. I never knew any of this. Those two were best friends, and I want to be a good friend to my friend who is left trying to pick up the pieces in the wake of our friend's death. BUT, I'm horrified to learn of all the things our dead friend shared with the mutual friend for a year or more before she killed herself and the mutual friend never did anything. She tried to get her to do more things socially because our friend had become withdrawn and reclusive, but she never told anyone or did anything to help our friend out. After learning all I have, I'm actually surprised our friend didn't kill herself sooner because she had all of her plans in place. Apparently she had loaded guns in her bedroom, she'd quit paying her mortgage and was actually in the process of losing her home to foreclosure, she was spending lots of money recklessly - and the clincher of it all is that she had her will drawn up the Monday before she killed herself (on a Friday). AND -- AND -- she'd told our mutual friend that she had her will drawn up. That is the biggest red flag I've heard to date. She also told our mutual friend that she had everything "in order". Yet our mutual friend did NOTHING!!!!!!!! I don't judge her -- I'm sure she was in denial herself and was hoping our friend's despair would pass. I know she will struggle with this for the rest of her life, wondering why she never did anything (she's told this to other mutual friends of ours). But I'm struggling to be there for her and help her through this, yet trying desperately to understand why she never did anything. Why she never told me or their other friends; why she didn't tell a professional that our friend was a danger to herself; why she didn't see the red flags; why, why, why, why, why??????? They were best friends, and our friend cried out for help to her and she did nothing. I'm sure that made our deceased friend even more hopeless because she went to the one person she counted on the most and that person dismissed her cries for help. I don't want to add to the guilt, anger, resentment, sadness, etc that my surviving friend is feeling, but I need answers to try to help her. And I need answers to try to process everything and go on with my life. Any insight would be greatly appreciated.
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