I'm so very sorry to hear of the loss of your dear friend.Losing someone to suicide is so traumatic and painful.You mentioned that it all seems so surreal.I remember feeling that same way when my Sister ended her life 13 years ago.My entire family and I walked around like zombies for at least a week after she died because it was just to much for our hearts and minds to process at the time.I know what your feeling right now and if you ever need someone to talk it over with I am here for you.I promise you that you won't keep feeling as overwhelmed as you do right now.You found a wonderful place at daily strength.I have met some incredibley compassionate people here that truly care.
I care about what your going through.God Bless You,
Maggie

So sorry for the loss of your friend.

Depression is serious illness, and you never now in what way it will progress. And this kind of illness hurts a lot. Only he knew what really was going on and how much pain he was in. If you know that, I don't think that it would hlep you to understand better.

We who are depressed or were depressed, are in a lot of pain and many of us can't get it through. Everything and nogthing can hurts us and put us deep down, and then we can or can't find way out.

There's no magical tretment, no magical pill which will made all that pain to disappear, it's on us to find way to help ourselves. If can't find it then we're lost.

Tretments and pills only ease our symptoms and our pain but doesn't cure us. I could talk more about this, but every person feel it different way.

We're up and down. Only us who were in this kind of pain trully understand how we feel or how we felt.

Words can't express how sorry I am for your loss. And I know how you feel about 'understanding' what your friend was going through. You may have to consider the fact that you may never know the details, if he was as secretive as most men are about their feelings. The closest you may come to understanding is by reading books about suicide. It might sound like something you don't need or want to do. But I can tell you that by emersing myself in it, by reading all I get my hands on, I came to understand two things. One, that I was not alone and two, the situations behind many other suicides. It helped me piece together what happened in my family. There are all kinds of family and health factors that leave a person predisposed to mental illness and suicide. It might help to familiarize yourself with those and see how many 'fit' your friend's situation.

All I can tell you is what worked for me...

Take care,
Jackie

I am so sorry for the loss of your friend. Suicide is very traumatic and devastating. It is the ultimate death is which you may never get closure. Unfortunately, we may never get the details and never understand "why". It is hard to understand when you have a healthy mind. Just know, your friend did not have a healthy mind and was very deep in his pain.

I, like Jackie have read many books on suicide. Does it make you stop hurting? Of course not, but you come to understand that we may never understand "why" It is extremely difficult to deal with this kind of loss...I know it is hard for you to feel as though you will heal right now, but in time, you will begin to heal. It never goes away, but it the pain eases after some time. My thoughts and prayers are with you and do know you are not alone!
Hugs,
~Steph