Do you ever start telling yourself it happen to someone else? I thought I was doing pretty good the last couple of weeks, but now I'm starting to second guess myself. I just really trully feel like this happen to someone else, not me. I try to tell myself, noooo it's reality. But it's like my mind has got it's own thing going on, this didn't happen here so go away. The last two nights I've had these terrible dreams where I'm following Dad and I keep asking him if he's gonna do that again. He never answers just stares at me with a blank, dead look in his eyes. The one year mark is on Sept 8th. I hate the fact that is coming and I can't stop it. My dad was still alive this time of year, after Sept 8th I won't be able to say that anymore. Please tell me, on Sept 8th is he not gonna die all over again. Because I don't think I can do it again, in fact I know I can't. The hurt is starting to crawel all over me again, I just want it off me!!! Sorry I'm probably making no sense, I just needed to unload so my head will stop spinning again. Thanks for listening.
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