Families & Friends Affected By Suicide Support Group

Suicide affects not only the individual, but also the family and friends who provide support and love. This community is offered as a place for those affected by suicide to gather and gain strength from each other. PLEASE NOTE: If you are suffering from suicidal thoughts, please take advantage of our CRISIS RESOURCES, which you can find at the bottom of every page of the...

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deleted_user
deleted_user
I really need to talk about this... but the information might be too much for some of you... so please STOP here if you can't deal with it.

My parent killed themselves a year and a half ago. They were both ill physically, my father was more mentally unstable than my mom... but she always said she'd prefer to go out her way. My father tried to die a year before... no one told me... I only knew he had a seizure.. I didn't know it was because he tried to die. My mom fought to keep him alive. All they had to rely on was each other... they were getting sicker... my mom was going blind, and would have been in a wheelchair within a month... my dad needed an operation to keep his circulation in his leg... it might not happen in time to keep his leg. The reasons where plenty... but none of that mattered to me... They asked a neighbor to feed their pets for a few days and said they were coming to visit me and my sister so they would be out of town... then they got a rifle they had been saving. They drove to the next town and mailed a postcard to the neighbor watching the pets. It said "I'm sure by now you know, find homes for my cats" They walked to a secluded park. They were both disabled and there is proof that they helped each other when they stumbled carrying the gun the whole way. In order to use the gun... someone had to put the gun in their mouth and pull the trigger with their foot.. I guess pulling a gun out of your dead mates mouth was too graphic.... so my DAD got on his knees and my mom shot him in the temple (I know he had to go first, cause he couldn't have seen her die) then she put it in her mouth and shot herself. To this day the image of their brains all over the beautiful country side is burned into my brain... I never saw it... I DID NOT go to the site... although my sister went with the police later.... We were told we should NOT see the bodies....I will never forget the police officer telling me the details. I can deal with the fact that they died... but I just wish they could have done it another way.... I can't even think of their faces they way they were... I only see dismembered bodies with no heads.... I want it to go away... now I dream that my pets have their limbs torn off and horrible images are alway in my head.... GOD I just want it to go away so I can remember them the way they were.
jasonswifey
jasonswifey
I know how you feel. My brother hung himself when I was 17. He used an electrical cable and hung himself from his ceiling fan. I never saw him, but I saw the carpet ripped out from the floor right below where he was. I can't get the image out of my head of his body hanging there for days. I have nightmares about it as well. It's tough. I wish I could say it get's easier, but i'm not gonna lie to you. I'm here if you need to talk.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I admire your strength to deal with such a terrible loss, your understanding and compassion is huge. I've fought the "daymares" of that moment, but I want to push it away so it's not what I remember of him. I guess that's very important to me--I remember all my departed loved ones in their better days. I finally got to where I could tell someone the story pretty much from start to finish without breaking down, and it was like some sort of sad milestone. I hope that getting it out, spelling out your horror, helps to relieve the stress it causes you to keep it bottled up. It does for me. I feel for you and your sister, may there be comfort for you both.
cazza1
cazza1
The day my sister took her life was one of shock,it was not real to me,all i wanted was to see her ,im lucky that my husband was home and stopped me going straight there when i got that call,what he saw that day will be with him forever.You were wise not to go,but i sympathise with you,its NEVER easy to deal with this kind of tragidy,let alone have it scarred with those horrible details,the best you can do is let it out here,thats what i do and it helps ,my thoughts are with you.
deleted_user
deleted_user
My son died of suicide in the same way - he put a shotgun in his mouth and pulled the trigger. His widow found him and she has that memory burned into her soul. I try not to go "there" everytime I start to - it will tear me up inside if I do. I never viewed his body, though my husband felt he had to, to have closure. We had to have a closed casket funeral. So, I consciously push away those thoughts and try to remember the good days (there were tons). I think you have to do this, to learn to cope and go on living with your parent's deaths. I know how hard it is - the images are horrific. But please try...always, Shirley
deleted_user
deleted_user
Thanx for letting me share....beside my sisters... no one has EVER really heard to whole story... and I guess I just had to let it out... I was afraid to... because I always thought people would be mad at me for sharing those kinds of details... I mean who wants to think about stuff like that? Anyway... thank you all for listening and sharing and understanding.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Therapy can help you with your haunting images and nightmares. It can go away, but it might take help for you.
The other side of the coin here, short version, my guy put a shotgun in his mouth too. I didn't find him, and it was 4 days before I got a chance to see him. I made the funeral director describe graphically and honestly what I would see, and then I chose to view him. It was an indescribable relief. His face was not ruined, and he looked, believe it or not, peaceful and sleepy. I can't even express how much better I felt. It was incredibly valuable closure for me. Wishing you peace.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I think every one of us in this community know how you feel because we have all had your thoughts. I think God and my brain protected me from the reality of the situation. My husband was in our bed. I was at a second job when his job called me - he did not show up for work. Because I was worried, I called my brother in law to go to the house with me. I recall "seeing" things but unterpreting them differently to protect myself. The casket was closed, so the self-protection was obvious. When I think about that moment, I don't think about the visual, but my pain is because of the despair he must have been in to take his life. That alone makes me cry.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I so hope that it helps you to be getting this out and sharing. We all understand. Most of us are right there with you...haunting images, either of the graphic nature of all, or of the hell that he/she/they had to be going through with every detail of the suicide.

God hold you close at these tough times, Joy. Just ask Him to do so, when thoughts and memories get so overwhelming.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I know how you feel. My brother committed suicide 13 years ago and while I wasnt the one to find him, our youngest brother did, they shared an apartment together. I know after it happened my parents tried to get my brother to open up and talk about what he saw and he never would with them. One night he came home (he moved back in with my parents, me and my kids) he was drunk and came into my room and broke down and told me in vivid detail what he saw when he kicked our brothers bedroom in. It was almost as if I had been there and saw it myself. The images are burned into your mind and as time has gone on I have kind of pushed those images into the back of my mind and they dont flash at me like they used to when he first told me. I can tell you this it will take awhile but those images will fade into the back of your mind and hopefully you will be able to push pass them. It's not easy losing a loved one to suicide, there are so many unanswered questions and my heart and prayers go out to you and your family. I dont post here all that much, very rarely but I do come about once a week or so and read. I find alot of comfort here in reading others stories and advice that is given here. You never truly get over it but you can move on, life must move forward I am sure that your parents would want that. Take Care of yourself and remember everyone is here for you *big hugs*
deleted_user
deleted_user
I am so sorry for your incredible pain. my son hung himsef I wasn't the one to find him but i also have had recurring thoughts of what he looked like hanging there. I think it is all apart of suicide. The ugly reality that they choose to take their own life and leave us with so many questions.
I actually had a nightmare about my son not long after he passed but have never had a dream about him since. So the questions and guilt just linger on.
Susan
deleted_user
deleted_user
I am so sorry for your parents, and that they were faced with making and carrying out such a terrible choice. They must have been suffering so. I am haunted too by that last final act of my loved one.

My boyfriend took his life in his apartment, in the bedroom, and I saw the spot where it happened. From what I could tell he must've knelt down on the carpet and rested his head on the floor before he shot himself--almost like an act of surrender, kneeling down like that to do it.

His father was just a few steps behind him, coming up the stairs after having asked him to turn over his gun due to him being so depressed and distraught. I can't imagine the pain his father has to carry having seen his son like that, and being totally helpless to do anything.

I don't expect a person in your situation would ever get over such a tragedy. Your story does not say if you've sought counseling---have you? Vincent's father is under the care of a psychiatrist to help him deal with his son's death, and the accompanying flashbacks. Maybe a counselor is the way to go.
deleted_user
deleted_user
My sister jumped off a bridge on to a main highway near where I live two years ago. I never did see her there but the thought of it haunts me to this day. The police report mentions that someone did see her jump, and made anonymous call to them. The best thing to do is to do exactly what you did and share these feelings. They never go away but somehow you just deal with them differently....

Take care and keep talking to us.
This support group helps!!!
deleted_user
deleted_user
I know how you feel my sister hing herself in the back porch and my mother found her... i never saw her body till i got to the funeral home when they put no makeup on = ( nbecause that is what my mom said but what she meant was no girly make-up i had to stare at my sister and tell them they had to put make-up on her to make her look alive
= ( before my mother was to come in..... then about a month ago my fiance' meant to be married september 1st of this year took my revolver that i have had for work and shot herself when i when in the next room so i had to run in to see her still breathing = ( ok i have to stop AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! ttyl i g2g
deleted_user
deleted_user
hi i am really truly sorry about what you have experienced with your parents. i can feel your pain when i read your post. my daughter from the time she was 10 has tried to take her life . these last several years as she is now 15, have been easier as she rarely mentions dying or wanting to die. still though you hold your breath when she gets upset or depressed until things improve for her. you never forget ! i remember the every time i look at her wrists or see the permanant scar lines on her arms and legs(she was a cutter). life sometimes hurts in ways we don't want it to but the sun does come out so look for the sunshine and try to go forward from the past , that is what we do! god bless and feel free to add me if you ever just want to chat!
deleted_user
deleted_user
Hey Joy,
First of all, I want to let you know that I do know exactly how you feel. My situation is a little different, but you are the closest one that I have found that is like mine. My parents were seperated for about 2 weeks, momma went back to the house to talk to him, he shot her three times, then ran some errands, paid bills, etc, & waiting about 5 hrs before he put a 20ga shotgun to his chest. He was a small man, so you can imagine what that did to him. I found them....This will absolutely haunt me for the rest of my life. It was HIS choice to end my mother's life along with his. I am SO angry at him for this. He shot her close range three times in the back. When he killed himself, he taped a blanket around his back (so that he would not make such a mess)!!!!! I do not have any answers for anything, no magic words to say, I just wanted to let you know that there is at least one other person in the world that knows exactly what you are going through....(Hugs) Melissa
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