It's been almost a year now since my dad shot himself...October 24, 2008. I've had the most horrible time trying to sleep for the past week already. I can only seem to manage 4 hours if I'm lucky, but it's often less than that. His birthday was last Sunday, and I had panic attacks all day long. The anticipation of Saturday is driving me crazy. I think about him all the time, but yet I can't even bring myself to go talk to him in the woods where he died like I used to. I just want him back sooo badly. I want the past back. I want my old family that used to have fun together 3 years ago back. So much has changed and I wish that I would have appreciated what I had when I had it a little more. Now at least I spend as much time with my brother and his family as I can because my daughter and and my brother's family are all that I really have left. So how did any of you guys handle the year anniversary? What can I do to finally get some rest and get the panic attacks to go away?
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