It's been just over a year since my cousin Jackie killed herself. I spent last thanksgiving with her family. My uncle, aunt and cousin (her step-dad, mother and older sister). It was the first holiday with out her and my first holiday with out my uncle from my mom's side. Now it's been a year and thanksgiving is comming around again. I've been near tears constantly and usually I'm not much of a cryer. I don't want to hear any of the normal "count your blessings" stuff that gets passed around at this time of year. I miss Jackie real bad. I know I'll probably spend the next week or two in tears. And again at Christmas. And this will probably continue for years at these holidays. Some how the impending holiday seems to open the wound even more then the anniversary of her death did. Does anyone have any advice to ease the pain, even a little? I'm pretty desperate here.
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I have been here before, a long long time ago and now I am back.Forgive me for not just saying what I want to say,even under a triple dose of antidepressants it is still raw and seeping and I am hesitant at revealing it as at least under the bandages around my heart I don,t have to look at how raw and wounded.My child was cleaved from my heart by his own actions. my child of ten,turning eleven...
theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??