7 yrs ago my nephew committed suicide at the age of 35 . I was on my Wat over to his house to see why he wasn't answering his phone only to find him dead on the floor. I tried to revive him but he was long gone so I sat there rocking him as I walled. It was devastating to say the least. It has taken me many yrs of therapy to get my life back . They were very difficult times for me . All I wanted to do was die so I didn't have to face this pain . But yet again I am faced with another suicide of a dear friend of mine . I am hanging on by a thread and I feel so empty and numb. So here I am trying to not have another breakdown. I am absolutely heartbroken my PTSD has reared its ugly head and I feel right back where I started . The people who are left with the aftermath of a suicide are struggling so much . Thanks for letting me vent because I don't know what else to do right now I am barely functioning . I understand the feeling of wanting to kill your self because I have felt that too many times . I am bipolar and have struggled with that myself but I always think of the people who will suffer if I did it so it's not an option for me . So I will try to figure out how to get through this . Thanks I needed to say these things . Hugs to you all .
Things are so hard. I try so hard. Things are just so hard, I hate physical pain so so much. I feel so down, so beaten up by life. To say I feel defeated feels an understatement what am I doing, why am I even still trying
So I’m sure I’ll figure it out but the previous nights sleep was unsettled of too hot too cold sessions. Then today anxiety and feelings of such despair as well as last words in my head. Wondering how long this period will continue. I suppose I’ll just crawl off and fall asleep with hope to not awaken at all tonight. I should eat but really why bother, I’ve fed son and he has had his meds...