A man was riding his Harley along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head... In a booming voice, the Lord said, "Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."

The biker pulled over and said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want."

The Lord said, "Your request is materialistic Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind."

The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, Lord, I wish that I, and all men, could understand our wives; I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, and how I can make a woman truly happy."

The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge"?



Two friends, a blonde and a redhead, are walking down the street and pass a flower shop where the redhead sees her boyfriend buying her flowers.
The Redhead sighs and says, Oh crap, my boyfriend is buying me flowers again."
The blonde looks quizzically at her and says, "You don't like getting flowers from your boyfriend?"
The redhead replies, "I love getting flowers, but he always has expectations after giving me flowers, and I just don't feel like spending the next three days on my back with my legs in the air."
The blonde says, "Don't you have a vase?"



Mike was going to be married to Karen so his
father sat him down for a little chat.

He said, "Mike, let me tell you something.
On my wedding night in our honeymoon suite, I took off
my pants,
handed them to your mother, and said, "Here - try
these on".
She did and said, "These are too big. I can't wear
them."
I replied, "Exactly. I wear the pants in this family
and I always will."
Ever since that night, we have never had any
problems.
>
"Hmmm," said Mike. He thought that might be a
good thing to try.

On his honeymoon, Mike took off his pants and
said to Karen "Here - try these on."
She tried them on and said, "These are too large.
They don't fit me".
Mike said, "Exactly. I wear the pants in this
family and I always
will. I don't want you to ever forget that."

Then Karen took off her pants and handed them to
Mike. She said,
"Here - you try on mine."
He did and said, "I can't get into your pants."
Karen said, "Exactly. And if you don't change
your smart-ass attitude, you never will."


Bill and Hillary are at the Yankee season opener sitting in the first
row, with the Secret Service agents directly behind them.

One of the Secret Service guys leans forward and whispers something to
Bill.

At first, Clinton stares at the guy, looks at Hillary, looks back at
the agent, and shakes his head.

The agent then says, "Mr. President, it was at the unanimous request of
the entire team, from the owner on down to the bat boy. "

Bill hesitates...but begins to change his mind when the agent tells him
the fans would love it!

Bill shrugs his shoulders and says, "Okay, if that's what the people
want."

With that, Bill gets up, grabs Hillary by her collar and the seat of
her pants, lifts her up, and tosses her right over the wall onto the
field.

She gets up kicking, swearing, screaming, "I'll kill you! You
@#$!&&&&&&&&*%$%**!!!.."

The crowd goes absolutely wild. Fans are jumping up & down, cheering,
hooting & hollering, and high-fiving.

Bill is bowing, smiling and waving to the crowd. He leans over to the
agent and says, "How about that! I would have never believed how much
everyone would enjoy that!"

Noticing his agent has gone totally pale, he asks what is wrong.

The agent replies, "Mr. President, Sir, I said they wanted you to throw
out the first "Pitch".