I dont have the worst epilepsy out there, to some of you my case would probably seem tame. But to me its so hard. My whole life I have been big, strong, and unafraid, but now I live in constant fear. I havent had a grand mal in a long time, but recently I woke up in the middle of the night to uncontrolled muscle spasms throughout my body. Since then I have only left my apartment for absolute necessities. I go to class, and I sit in fear, I go to the grocery store and I walk in terror. I feel broken, and I feel like a coward. I ignore my phone and I avoid my friends. I dont want to be weak in front of them...This disease runs my life, and I dont know how to take it back.
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I was diagnosed with Epilepsy when I was 10. I am currently 20 years old am at a point in my life where I am starting to lose hope on having my seizures controlled because throughout my life I have tried multiple medications but the ones that worked my body used to and then would stop. The longest Ive been free of them was only 5 months. Im trying to find something in my life truly worth living...