So. Last night was one of the best nights of my life. My boyfriend and I have been together for 8 months now and still haven't had sex. Things could not be better with us as a couple. They are amazing. Anyways, the point of all this, is that yesterday, I was feeling really good for the first time in..Well. A LONG time. We ended up having sex [By my choice] It was great and amazing and I honestly could not ask for more in a man. It didn't even HURT! I was so happy, anyways, our night continued, he took me to dinner, we laughed and had a great time, we then made our way to the film festival for a screening of a movie that he was in. It was a blast. We then went to the gala that they had after. I got to meet the people he worked with and we had some drinks. [Keep in mind, STILL NO PAIN!] I was extatic. His friend was then having a housewarming party that he was supposed to attend. But I was feeling great STILL. So he invited me. I wasn't really into that as I was afraid that the pain would come just as we got there or something ridiculous like that [You know how it has amazing times of showing up] I told him to go and have fun and I would just go home. But he was so excited that I was still feeling well he decided that we would go to a pub and have some drinks and play some pool. [Do I have the best boyfriend or what? =)] Anyways, we had a really good time, ate, drank, laughed, he taught me how to play vlt's. It was probably one of the best days of my life. So, by the time we left it was around 1am. I looked at him and said 'babe! I have great news!' He asked what it was and I informed him that I had just had my very FIRST pain free day. Everything was so amazing. I was so happy. I went home, crawled into bed, exhusted. And was even able to fall asleep without struggle. So for now, the story is just one big tale of happiness. Until I was awoken at 6:35am with that oh so familiar pain...I managed to get back to sleep after some advil and a muscle relaxant. I did not wake up until noon. Everything was back to normal [Well, I am a little sore down there, as it has been about a year and a half since I have had sex of any kind and condoms usually irritate me.] Other than that things are fine...Until I am in the middle of getting dressed and almost collapse on the floor because of the sudden oncome of pain. Why the hell does it fuck with me like this? I know that I may be to blame as I did kind of overdo it with everything yesterday. But hell. I was excited. And I don't regret it. Becuase I would rather have one amazing day like that pain free then be depressed and in bed. I don't really know what else to say other than *%&# you endo! [If that is your real name.] [[If you don't get that. I have yet to be diagnosed.]] [[[If you STILL don't get it...Then there is nothing I can do for you =) ]]] Anyways, my boyfriend was worried that this would happen and he was right, and I don't even want to talk to him now because he ALWAYS knows when I am in pain and I know how much it will upset him. And me..Well...I'm devistated. I'm heartbroken...I just...Don't know if I can put up with this for the rest of my life...It's SO hard. I've researched and read and googled, and tested and been tested and there is just no answer as of now. It is definitely hard to not doubt and question myself when I have already had so many doctors tell me it was all in my head...=( *sigh* Sorry to be a downer. Just had a very disheartening day...Thanks for being here ladies! I don't know what I would do without you!!!!! xoxoxox
Posts You May Be Interested In
I miss traveling with my husband. Has anyone found a specific site regarding cruising for widow/widowers or any sightseeing trips. Not interested in being with couples and kids,,,I realize a cruise ship will have a portion size of families and couples, but perhaps they also put together a part of the cruise ship for groups of widows/widowers????
A friend sent this to me..As far as I can see, grief will never truly end.It may become softer overtime, more gentleand some days will feel sharp.But grief will last as long as Love does - ForeverIt's simply the way the absence of your loved onemanifests in your heart. A deep longing accompaniedby the deepest Love some days. The heavy fog mayreturn and the next day, it may recede.Once again, it's...