Empty Nests Support Group
Empty nest syndrome is a general feeling of depression and loneliness that parents/other guardian relatives feel when one or more of their children leave home. Empty nest syndrome has become more prevalent in modern times, as the extended family is becoming less common than in past generations, and the elderly are left living by themselves.
I have two grown children from an early marriage. My daughter lives in NYC and is a recording artist/songwriter, so she had to stay there for Thanksgiving.
My son has a drinking problem and is in a bad position right now. He lives in one of my real estate purchases and pays rent.
Both the kids, when they are here, spend half of the day with their dad and then the other half with me. I remember those days when I was married and we needed to go to both of our family's house on the same day. :( It's hard, I know.
I had asked my son who's 28 yrs old, single, if he could come over for the latter part of Thanksgiving even if it was just for pumpkin pie. He told me that he and his long time girlfriend were going to go 2 hours away to spend the day with her mom and couldn't make it this year.(this was on Wed. he told me this)
I'm single, but I'm blessed with alot of friends that live close by, so, sad as I was, I told him "okay...be careful driving there and have a great time. I love you and will miss you".
As it turned out, my friends had other plans to go to their families' houses out of state. So, I was alone. I was depressed, cooked my own turkey, set the table up as if it was going to be a family dinner (geez....kind of strange:) and called my kids later on in the evening.
My daughter spent time with her friends in NYC and had a good time, but my son tells me that he spent the day with his dad skiing al day and then having dinner with him.
My ex is a very controlling man who never remarried (we divorced 23 years ago), he could care less if the kids come and see me, but he's phoney and tells me "Oh...I'm SO sorry. I guess telling you "Happy Thanksgiving" isn't good enough right now". He has not cut the apron strings with my kids because he's afraid of being alone. So, he controls them financially and gives them money and keeps them dependant on them.
I was hurt. I spoke to my son and he said "Mom, I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. I love you".
My son is being torn between his parents and I know that that adds to his drinking (he's been greiving his uncle's death on Christmas day, 2005 of an over dose. My son was the last one to be with him that night, but he had no idea that his uncle was into drugs like he was. Still, he blames himself).
Their dad is not doing them any good by financially helping them out and being in their lives every day through phone calls, coming over to their apartments. He even gets in the middle of my kid's relationships. If he doesn't like the one that they've chosen (he'll pick out little things about them), he'll tell them straight out to the boyfriend or girlfriend's face. My ex's mom was the same way. She'd call him every day and have him come over and take out her trash. AND, she always let me know that she hated me.
She got in the middle of our arguments and he always sided with his mom.
I've suggested going to therapy with him...just he and I and for once, getting out all the bad left over stuff-----he was physically and mentally abusive to me 24/7/365 and I literally had to escape one day with my kids when they were 5 and 3. We had nowhere to go, but God helped us--- so, that FINALLY, we can be on the same level and support our son. I'm willing.....he's not. My son is going to therapy (so I'm told....the ex is paying for it) and I just want to see some kind of peace there between their Dad and I because he keeps me out of their lives on purpose. When I try to do things with my kids....he brings up the past and tells them that I'm not a "good mom". Because he pays some of their bills, they stay away from me.
How do you deal with a controlling ex husband that is doing the same thing to my kids as he did to me? Letting them know, that without him, they'd have to completely do it on their own. It's his way or no way.
I just let my kids know that I am here for them always and to feel free to talk to me anytime. I'm here to stay.
Any advice or similar situations? I need advice. I'm going to AL Anon just so I can know what I'm supposed to do for my son and for myself.
Thank you and I hope all of you had a great Thanksgiving!
My son has a drinking problem and is in a bad position right now. He lives in one of my real estate purchases and pays rent.
Both the kids, when they are here, spend half of the day with their dad and then the other half with me. I remember those days when I was married and we needed to go to both of our family's house on the same day. :( It's hard, I know.
I had asked my son who's 28 yrs old, single, if he could come over for the latter part of Thanksgiving even if it was just for pumpkin pie. He told me that he and his long time girlfriend were going to go 2 hours away to spend the day with her mom and couldn't make it this year.(this was on Wed. he told me this)
I'm single, but I'm blessed with alot of friends that live close by, so, sad as I was, I told him "okay...be careful driving there and have a great time. I love you and will miss you".
As it turned out, my friends had other plans to go to their families' houses out of state. So, I was alone. I was depressed, cooked my own turkey, set the table up as if it was going to be a family dinner (geez....kind of strange:) and called my kids later on in the evening.
My daughter spent time with her friends in NYC and had a good time, but my son tells me that he spent the day with his dad skiing al day and then having dinner with him.
My ex is a very controlling man who never remarried (we divorced 23 years ago), he could care less if the kids come and see me, but he's phoney and tells me "Oh...I'm SO sorry. I guess telling you "Happy Thanksgiving" isn't good enough right now". He has not cut the apron strings with my kids because he's afraid of being alone. So, he controls them financially and gives them money and keeps them dependant on them.
I was hurt. I spoke to my son and he said "Mom, I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. I love you".
My son is being torn between his parents and I know that that adds to his drinking (he's been greiving his uncle's death on Christmas day, 2005 of an over dose. My son was the last one to be with him that night, but he had no idea that his uncle was into drugs like he was. Still, he blames himself).
Their dad is not doing them any good by financially helping them out and being in their lives every day through phone calls, coming over to their apartments. He even gets in the middle of my kid's relationships. If he doesn't like the one that they've chosen (he'll pick out little things about them), he'll tell them straight out to the boyfriend or girlfriend's face. My ex's mom was the same way. She'd call him every day and have him come over and take out her trash. AND, she always let me know that she hated me.
She got in the middle of our arguments and he always sided with his mom.
I've suggested going to therapy with him...just he and I and for once, getting out all the bad left over stuff-----he was physically and mentally abusive to me 24/7/365 and I literally had to escape one day with my kids when they were 5 and 3. We had nowhere to go, but God helped us--- so, that FINALLY, we can be on the same level and support our son. I'm willing.....he's not. My son is going to therapy (so I'm told....the ex is paying for it) and I just want to see some kind of peace there between their Dad and I because he keeps me out of their lives on purpose. When I try to do things with my kids....he brings up the past and tells them that I'm not a "good mom". Because he pays some of their bills, they stay away from me.
How do you deal with a controlling ex husband that is doing the same thing to my kids as he did to me? Letting them know, that without him, they'd have to completely do it on their own. It's his way or no way.
I just let my kids know that I am here for them always and to feel free to talk to me anytime. I'm here to stay.
Any advice or similar situations? I need advice. I'm going to AL Anon just so I can know what I'm supposed to do for my son and for myself.
Thank you and I hope all of you had a great Thanksgiving!
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theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
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I'm trying to exercise daily. I was doing fairly well until I sprained my ankle 2 weeks ago but now I'm getting back on the horse. Today I walked over a mile with my arm weights that are about 22lbs total. I was out of shape and it was hard on my arms. I also did my 30 situps. I'm also going to drink a lot of water and try to eat healthy. I do tend to have a sweet tooth but I'm cutting...
))))HUGS(((
Itis hard to see other people gathered around, making plans, in the comfort of family.
i am dwelling alot on past times, good and bad.
Really struggling, I hope this helps just knowing other people are feeling the same way.
It helps me a little to know other mothers/fathers are feeling the loss of family at this time of year, be thankful you have alot of close friends, I am sure if they you were to be alone they would have included you in their day, but it isn't the same.
I miss my family always,but it seems it be reeally intense this year.
Take Care~