I go on here and talk to people about all their problems, trying to make them feel better, and sometimes succeeding. But I can't even take my own words of wisdom & make myself feel better. Wednesday I got myself so sick, and have puked everyday this week since Sunday after I ate. Then yesterday I was on Youtube, and I came across this thing about anorexia, and I know it should be disgusting, but all those girls were so thin and pretty ... I was jealous, and I started crying, because I feel like a fat ugly cow. My throat was so irritated from purging that I couldn't sob like I wanted to, I could only let the tears run down my cheeks. And then I just felt like such a worthless nothing who wasn't good enough because I wasn't as skinny and pretty as those girls. I worked at getting myself better, and I was at a healthy weight, and then I've recently had a meltdown. I guess since I keep falling back to it that I really just don't want to be better, because being better means that I'll be fat and AVERAGE, and average just isn't good enough...
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