I feel so disgusting, i want to tear the fat off my body, i've been bingeing for 4 days and am now going back to restricting. I hate the fact that i binge and don't purge,why?! Why when it makes me feel soooo bad do i not get rid of it, i hate myself!!! I feel so repulsive and greedy and long to feel the comfort of bones and hunger. My mood is so low and i'm getting really intrusive thoughts about self harm and suicide. I've been trying to keep myself busy by doing things round the house,speaking to family on the phone just about random things to try and keep my mind busy, i feel like i can't turn my head off and i'm thinking and feeling so much and it's so relentless. AAAARRGGHHHHH!!!!!! I keep thinking if i hadn't binged then my mood would be better because at least i wouldn't feel as repulsed and would feel more able to cope with my thoughts and feelings. I feel so scared and alone and don't know what to do to get through.
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