I have just joined this site and read a few discussions and although I feel so releived to know that I'm not alone i also feel totally exhausted. I've been dealing with food isues for years and I'm fed up with the groundhog day feeling that I get every day!!! I'm sick of thinking of food and my problems around it- in fact...I'm sick of constantly thinking all about ME!...I cringe when I open my mouth to talk to others and all that comes out is 'i'm fat' 'i need to lose weight' 'me me me me' etc... No wonder my relationships fail...even I can't stand listening to me anymore.

I don't want to ponder why or go over and over the same old things in my head anymore...I just want to take some positive action to get my life back. I don't wanna play a victim anymore. I have suicidal thoughts all the time and the irony is I get angry at myself for being so usless that I can't just harden up and stop feeling sorry for myself. I wanna live and I want to be happy with myself and I want to feel free from food.

I am currently living in the United Kingdom and I Desperatley want to know where I can get some real help and support.

I have been to nutritionists, paid thousands for gym memberships and personal trainers, I have had group therapy and counselling, cognitive behavioural therapy, hypnotherapy, taken medications of all sorts and the list goes on....NOTHING has worked and I think part of it is due to running out of money or losing the fighting spirit...giving up and losing hope...succumbing to the victim mentality.

I am mainly a compulsive overeater with bulimic tendendcies. I smoke and drink ALOT of cofee to avoid eating. I yoyo in size from 42kgs to 70kgsand I have long suffered with depression, panic attacks. I have recently started regular use of laxatives. I am losing my hair and have begun to self harm again. I am currently medicated with prozac and I am even trying hormone therapy in the hopes that my terrible moods are due to low progesterone levels. I feel like a total wreck and I am very very tired BUT I'm angry too....I'm angry that I'm wasting my life away on things like this...I'm angry that people out there are sick, starving or dying of serious illnesses and even they can get it together enough to live more than I am living. I want to try to get better and I have reached out so many times before only to find failure again and again.

Please can someone let me know where to start and who to go to...I am new to this country and really want to do this before I find I really don't have any energy left.