I am fighting my ed at the mo and keep feeling crushing lows where i just can't see the point anymore. I so want to be better for my hubby and kids. But i am being horrible and i know it. Embracing my ed is so much easier than this but i know i must stop. I guess i need to know what i can do to feel better. It feels like a constant balancing act, the harder I try the more stressed i am the worse my ocd gets and vice versa. I just want to be a NORMAL person whatever that is. I've always used the wrong things as coping mechanisms, first drugs stopped that yrs ago, then drink and stopped that, now my ed is worse than ever and i admit i use it to cope. I know i need a healthy way to cope but without anything i just feel like i exsist not live. I had manic depression 7 yrs ago and can't go there again but sometimes i feel myself sinking. Will i ever be truely happy or is this an impossible dream. Maybe i don't deserve to be happy. Or maybe i expect too much from life. Any ideas?
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