Eating Disorders Support Group

Eating disorders are marked by an obsessive need to control the intake and/or purging of food. This community is dedicated to those struggling on the road to recovery. Join to discuss your experience with others and find support. Get advice, ask questions, and meet others who are going through similar struggles.

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What can I say to her to make a difference?

deleted_user
deleted_user
My wife has been having bulimia/anorexia problems on and off for years. This is the first I've heard about it since we were married 6 years ago. After giving birth to 2 children in 2 years, she put on weight. This combined with a low thyroid problem sent her over the edge. She now tells me she's back at it and has been for months. She will tell me she's "going to go throw up" and waits to see what I might say. I will say "don't" or something else stupid but I really have no idea how to deal with this. I've talked to my doctor, her doctor and a help line all of which have told me she will need to walk in under her own steam to get help. She will not do this so I'm asking if anyone has any suggestions. Even just comforting words I can tell her that won't give her the wrong idea. The help line siad just be there for her. I have been but no matter whaty I say or do it's wrong. I don't want to make her situation any worse just better. Right now I'm keeping as quiet as possible because I don't want to say the wrong things anymore.
deleted_user
deleted_user
They are right, she needs to ask for help herself. It sounds like she is crying out for help by saying to you that she is going to throw up but it is so hard to admit you have a problem. I feel so embarressed and ashamed of myself. Perhaps she feels like this too.
All i can say is be there for her. Try to get her to talk without being confrontational. Leave the helpline number out. Buy her a book. You obviously care very much about her to come on here. She is lucky to have you.
Good Luck.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Your wife is so lucky to have you. I know a lot of husbands who don't want to deal with that stuff. You might want to buy a book for yourself so you can understand what is going on in her head. Then help her find a therapist or ask her if she would consider to go inpatient. Just love her and be there when she wants to talk. Since she tells you when she plans to throw up she definitely wants help. Talk her through the urge and tell her how proud you are that she didn't do it.
ShariB
ShariB
There is a great support group for spouses of ED sufferers at www.somethingfishy.org

I wish I knew what else to tell you that would make it better. You sound like a wonderfully supportive partner. Good luck to you both!
deleted_user
deleted_user
I would tell my boyfriend in college, because i wanted him to help me be strong. He would actually hold me (not hold me down- but give me a huge hug, for minutes at a time) until i thought i was "okay" but there were other times that he would hold me and i would tell him i absolutely couldn't wait... and he would let me go because he KNEW i was serious.
The trouble is, this is a really emotional problem, about control, so even i've given suggestions of "the right thing to say" for my best friend, and at the wrong time, it was absolutely the wrong thing, and it made me hurt and mad... Ask her, when she says she is going to purge, how you can help her NOT. what you could do to help her keep her food.
that might show her you're really on HER side (as opposed to the ED side that she sometimes feels like is HER side)
deleted_user
deleted_user
It sounds like a cry for help. just let her know how much you love her.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Thank you all for your advice. It's nice to know there are people out there that don't know you but can feel your pain.
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