I think a lot of us fight with that one!!
we often hate what we can't control, what we are scared of and the thigns we hate about ourselves.

yeah I know what u mean..like I get on to my brother all the time about his overeating and that its not healthy and stuff...but then my eating isn't healthy and good either..i don't always listen to my own advice..

I hoard ambivalence and contradictions like we just found out Y2K really WAS gonna happen.

Cue the banjos, it is time for the dueling sides of my personality. :P

I know exactly what you mean. I don't trust the nutritionist or the staff at the center i go to for IOP every day. I feel as though they are lying to me, and I can't trust them. However every day i go there and LIE about whether I exercised and how much. No you see that is a lie. I DO exercise there is no WHETHER in that sentence. You are not crazy! Just b/c you have a disorder, and you are trying to keep it a secret b/c of embarrassment or whatever, doesn't make you crazy!!! I don't know about you, but I feel guilty all the time anyway, so maybe it's better to feel guilty while telling the truth then to feel guilty by hiding it. That being said you have just inspired me to go to that ED center today, and fess up to my exercising habits b4 they have me eating 4000 calories a day thinking that i can't gain weight b/c I have some serious health issue. So thank you!

You're right Moonen... The Guilt Factor!. I feel guilty all the time too (perhaps it's our Christian up-bringing). I guess it's so much harder to tell the truth and feel guilty than tell a lie and feel guilty. Perhaps that's part of the reason why we do what we do. Do you think? Anyway I'm glad you want to tell the truth. Remind yourself of this when you try to talk yourself out of it. BE STRONG!!!
LA x

haha, i like this discussion. Ive worked as a motivational speaker for 2 years now, high school, aa meeting, for autism awareness & for high school drop outs, and I am the LEAST motivated person I know. But it pains me to see other people in a bad situation and it helps me to bring light into their lives, oddly enough, my life is very cloudy most of the time.

I'm a walking contradiction! I have no control over my control. It just goes on and on. I've lied and denied my life away. Once you let go of the lie, it's a relief...

Ihave no tolerance for people who think they are victims and hold no power to change their lives/ when I am depressed I feel this very way!

Nurse with eating disorder.
need i say more?

Not crazy at all. We usually hate things in others that we hate primarily in ourselves. If someone really bugs you, like right off the bat, it's probably because that person in some way or other reminds you of you. I don't like that, but I think it's the truth.

I'm the same way. The only person I'm totally honest with about ED is my therapist. Everybody else I pretty much tell that ED sufferers lie about their eating, the way they feel physically and that it's part of the disease. The first few years of course I just lied and didn't admit anything because I didn't want to admit that I had a problem.
The way I see it that ED lies are not comparable to the usual lie.

Deal with this every day! LIke I will put toxix drugs into my system but am really careful what foods I eat! I eat extemely healthy and drink plenty of water and work out. I am a natural supportive being with compassion, and declare my empowered being, yet I need a lot of support and acknoledgement! I am someone who declares that all I need is to love myself! But enjoy the love of others....dualities and contradictions are what I think many of us are made up of! Not just the lies we tell ourselves but the many hats we ware! It is called being human! Maybe balanced maybe not however; it is human! :)
Great topic! Stimulation for the brain.........yummy!
Sherose

Another one... Secrets. I hate things being kept from me, I always need to know everything (I've been working really hard to get rid of this desire though) and yet I love keeping my own secrets... It makes me feel strong and safe.

Then there are the daily small ones like...
1. I don't want to be on my own-but I don't want to be around people.
2. I want to do something- but I don't want to do anything.

Ahhhhh there are so many...this feels like a good reflective exercise.

I find that the way i answer qestions or see things about myself is completely different to how i see the same things in others. my therapist always uses this to make me see how irrational my thinking is.

yep am just the same i hate that i have 2 lie