I feel so helpless I know that I can't get better unless I really want to but I have nothing to look forward to and I don't want anything (besides dying). I know what I'm supposed to want at this point and time but I can't force myself to. And I get so upset at myself for being that way. I'm 20 and in my community what I should be doing now is get married and start building a family. Most of my friends are married already and I feel so different. I'm so scared to get married but I don't know why? Any normal person would think I'm crazy to be more afraid of marriage than hospitals! I feel so alone and I want to give up completely!
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