I finally feel like ive got a hold of my ED. I havnt been binging and purging. Im eating healthy average sized meals. But still when I go to eat, all I can think about is how will I get rid of this fat afterwards. It basically ruins the meal for me. I hate that this is the person I am. I HATE that I have let this disorder control my entire life. It truly has. I think about it a million times a day. I just want to be a normal person. And the truth is, I know even if I do beat this, I will think about it everyday before I die. Its forever stuck with me. And I feel like its partially defined who I am. Just tell me WHY God allows this to happen to people. Why he allows all terrible things to happen. How can you have faith when you have been cursed with such a disease. It makes me hate myself. And it sucks that my family will never understand. The only people that understand are all of you. But I just wish that someone close to me could understand how hard it is. Sometimes I wish I could wake up a kid again, with a second chance.
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