I want so badly to be very thin again, but I feel I am too far along my recovery to relaspse again. Do we ever love our bodies? I have a normal, relatively "thin" body, but I find myself disgusted when I look in the mirror. I hate my body, but I can't seem to find it in myself to take ED to the next level. I obsess about my body, about calories, about exercise, but I don't go to the extreme like I once did. I exercise, but not for two hours, I limit my carbs, but will have a sandwich hear and there, I will even eat no sugar added fat free ice cream. Maybe this is better, but am I domed to be unsatisfied my whole life? I am not looking for encouragement to go back to my Eating Disorder, I still have disordered thinking and I don't think I want to go back, I just want to be satisfied and full. I've never been full. I am either empty or stuffed. Restrict or binge.
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