so i was just at dinner with my bf and some friends of his who i had never met. as it happens the wife just found out about hubbys affair about a min b4 we arrived and shes really skinny allready and sat at dinner picking at slices of tomatoes.... i didn't find out till after dinner that this was unusual for her but sitting across the table from it, trying my hardest to behave like a normal person in front of my fellas friends, not to mention the fact that i was actually hungry (which almost never happens) was such a huge trigger... i'm happy to say that i still ate a pretty ok amount. but it really upset me because i still find it really hard to get away from the way i see myself: as the girl with "the most self control" who can sit and stoically starve while others "indulge" i know this is really disordered thinking but its still so instinctive for me

it also made making normal conversation extremely hard because all i could think about was how little she was eating and how fat i felt and how ugly i was and wishing i was wearing something different and that i could run away....