I hate myself today. Forget what I wrote in my journal entry this morning... I can't do it. I can't have a good day. I don't even remember what good days feel like. Sure, I can have a few good hours, but that's it. When I came home from work, I was a little hungry so thought I would have a snack. It started out as a handful of pretzels dipped in fat free strawberry cream cheese (one of my favs), and then I thought, hmm maybe I'll have a yogurt... so far so good. But then something goes wrong and I eat and eat and eat. I have to keep eating so I know I will be able to have a good purge. If there's one thing I hate, its when the food doesn't come up easily (I appologize to anyone who is grossed out by this, haha). After I was disqusted with myself, I decided to keep going and went to Dunkin Donuts and ate 4 donuts... wow, I can't believe I am telling people this. I'm still not used to it. I just threw up but I can't stop crying. What can I do to distract myself so I won't keep binging?!?! Nothing works... I hate myself because I have become so lazy. I am too fat to put on gym clothes and go to the gym. Yes, I know how ironic that sounds. Ugggghhh I hate this so bad!
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