I think sometimes that I can get better...In one sitting sometimes I will order a large pizza.breadsticks...and eat it all..then I throw up...after I throw up I feel so thin and empty that I figure I can eat again..and some days I will do this 6 or more times a day. some days I spend $100 a day on food and throw it up.. the next day my throat will hurt so bad my blood vessels in my eyes are popped,and my glands are swollen, that I try to buy healthy non fat foods so I can eat and not throw up...doesn't happen, I still feel full and so I throw up even if I eat plain lettuce..I sometimes cry because I feel guilty for what I am doing, and I feel guilty because it releases something in me,to make me feel good or like I have accomplished something...I really don't think I can do anything about this anymore, it has developed to be my lifestyle..when I am at my parents house I even threw up in the shower once so they couldn't hear me..I feel like there is nothing I can do and no way out..if you feel like that could you maybe talk to me..I feel alone in the fact that I can't tell anyone because I have a certain standard to stay up to, people expect a perfect life, and all that goes with it from me, because that is who I am outside of my bathroom...
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