I've been doing very well lately, except for one thing I've tried to ignore: I'm afraid of junk food. Even if, for only a moment, I'll wish I *could* eat it, ED tells me no. It's not worth the calories, the fat, there's no nutritional value to them and therefore I shall never eat a candy bar [or any junk food, for that matter] ever again and if I do, remember it's going straight to my tummy and 'instantly make me fatter.'

I'm afraid that if I worked up the courage to eat even one bite of a snickers bar, I'll eat the whole thing and lose control and become chubby again. Just thinking about that situation, no matter how good the candy bar would seemingly taste, scares me. I know I couldn't handle it, I'd feel fat, weak, greedy and undeserving. It would ruin any positive side to treating myself to a candy bar. It would trigger me to do something bad.

One one side, it's healthy to never eat junk food again. My "candy" is now fruits and vegetables. On the other side, it's bad because the underlying reason I'm avoiding them in the first place is because ED told me to and now I've come up with excuses to justify it.

Personally, I don't want to [and am afraid to] eat junk food ever again. I like doing that - it makes me feel better, controlled. It's almost like torturing myself too. Whenever I pass by a vending machine I immediately think "yeah, bet you wish you could have that snickers bar, dontcha? Go ahead if you want to be fat, I dare you. And what would other people think of you eating that bar of fat? How embarassing. You should be ashamed of yourself for even looking at that junk." and I am.

I've been doing so well, but this is still ED talking. Except it's not harmful this time and I don't want to allow myself junk food cause I fear I'd lose control. I'm sort of dependent on ED still to "keep me in line," as I put it today with my therapist.

anyone else similar?