im really scared right now. ive started throwing up again. i was so good for so long, but i threw up after drinking one night and just didnt stop. it felt so good to just get it out of me, to not feel it in my stomach anymore. when i dont eat i constantly think about food, torture myself with the throughts of what i would eat if i let myself. when i b&p i eat whatever i want, and as much as i want, because i kno i am just going to throw it up in a min anyway, and i dont feel hungry after. the thing is i am trying so hard right now not to go into the bathroom and shove my finger down my throught for the 3rd time today. my roommates are home and im sure they would hear me. im not sure what they would say if they knew, and i dont want to find out. ive been so depressed for so long and i cant even tell someone. i envision myself tumbling over the bannister, or jumping in front of a car, cutting an artery shaving, steeling my roommates curling iron and doing damage to my thighs again. i dont want to start those things again. it was so hard to get out last time, and i dont know if i have the strength to do it again. i dont want to climb out of this hole, i just want to stay here and sleep away forever.
Posts You May Be Interested In
theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
I'm trying to exercise daily. I was doing fairly well until I sprained my ankle 2 weeks ago but now I'm getting back on the horse. Today I walked over a mile with my arm weights that are about 22lbs total. I was out of shape and it was hard on my arms. I also did my 30 situps. I'm also going to drink a lot of water and try to eat healthy. I do tend to have a sweet tooth but I'm cutting...