I've posted so much today, but I just don't really know what else to do. I had a rough night, and am really feeling horrible again. ED mostly, but some other things, too. Since I've been starting to fight the ED, I've noticed that I've become was preoccupied with thoughts of drinking, taking pills, etc- anything to alter my state of mind; to feel anything but this. I've started drinking a bit, nothing too bad, but it's probably not good. I wouldn't touch it before because of the calories, but I guess I'm better with that because they don't say how much it is on the bottle (plus, I just don't care). I feel so shitty, I threw up tonight, but not even enough to make any difference with all I've been eating. So it's like I'm eating, which I feel guilty about, and fucking up, which makes me feel guilty, too. I need help. I need some serious help. I don't know where to turn. I know that liquor isn't going to help the same way I know starving and throwing up doesn't. Fuck! Someone make this stop. Here I am, trying to be all supportive, and I can't pull my own shit together. I'm sorry, I really am.
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