
Eating Disorders Support Group
Eating disorders are marked by an obsessive need to control the intake and/or purging of food. This community is dedicated to those struggling on the road to recovery. Join to discuss your experience with others and find support. Get advice, ask questions, and meet others who are going through similar struggles.

deleted_user
I've recently started talking to my counselor about my eating disorder and I described it to her the other day as feeling like a separate being. That's a bit surreal I know but I was wondering if anyone has a similar perception of their ED?
I feel as though me and my ED are separate (although I know logically they're not). She seems to be personified as a nasty, vengeful wicked woman who hates me and delights in punishing me. Sometimes when I'm in a really bad binge and trying to stop I feel like I'm a little girl being dragged around my flat by the scruff of my neck and forced to eat and eat and with every extra thing she manages to get me to eat she delights that I hate myself a little bit more. After these binges when I drag myself to the toilet to try bring it all up I feel like some kind of victim.
I got really drunk and upset one night and was crying uncontrollably and I looked into the mirror and told 'her' that I don't care how powerful she is, I'm not going to give in to her anymore I'm going to fight her tooth and nail.
I know that there's no 'nasty woman' who's separate from me. I'm personifying something inside me that is horrible and painful. I'm not sure how to tackle it though... Seems like a nearly impossible task and I don't know where to start!
Has anyone else felt this kind of personification of their ED?
I feel as though me and my ED are separate (although I know logically they're not). She seems to be personified as a nasty, vengeful wicked woman who hates me and delights in punishing me. Sometimes when I'm in a really bad binge and trying to stop I feel like I'm a little girl being dragged around my flat by the scruff of my neck and forced to eat and eat and with every extra thing she manages to get me to eat she delights that I hate myself a little bit more. After these binges when I drag myself to the toilet to try bring it all up I feel like some kind of victim.
I got really drunk and upset one night and was crying uncontrollably and I looked into the mirror and told 'her' that I don't care how powerful she is, I'm not going to give in to her anymore I'm going to fight her tooth and nail.
I know that there's no 'nasty woman' who's separate from me. I'm personifying something inside me that is horrible and painful. I'm not sure how to tackle it though... Seems like a nearly impossible task and I don't know where to start!
Has anyone else felt this kind of personification of their ED?
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You're not alone in the thought, love. An example: Read "Life Without Ed." You'll see what I mean.
You have to learn to identify where "ed" is trying to get his foot in the door. (EVERYWHERE) once you can identify, you can overcome!
I would recomend a really good book called "Life Without Ed" By Jenni Schaefer & Thom Rutledge. It might encourage you.
Its really beneficial to recognize that you and Ed are two different people! Nice work.
Dont let ed, the ugly monster steal your joy, courage and strength. You can learn to disagee and disobey!
Best of luck.
xxx
Loates, I'm more like you with a female personification. I see her with dark eyes (vacuous) and with a grim mugshot. A "nasty woman" would be pretty much spot on. ;)
However, do you feel that personifying your ED as a separate entity is a way of detaching yourself, and therefore gives it power over you?