First of all, I do not want to hurt anyone by the things I am about to say. It is not you that have offended me, because I know that's never anyone's intention. I accept full responsibility for my reactions and feelings towards things that others say. My post is also not a direct response to any one thread on this site. That said, I would like to put some of my thoughts out there, for anyone to take or leave

I was really active here for a while, then popped in from time to time, but felt less and less comfortable. I got a lot of support from this site in the beginning, but now I get really mixed feelings. It might be quite some time before I hang around much again. The thing is, I find far too many posts on here these days that trigger, enable, or support my eating disorder thoughts and habits.

When I am not coping well with eating (pretty much all the time), its sensitive for me to hear anything about food, weight, image, eating, etc. In coming to this site, I hoped to find (and have found some) people who can support me in my battles. I used to find that peoples stories encouraged me, and their difficulties made me feel that I was not along. Since there were people at every stage of the game, there was always someone to help, learn from, listen/talk to, etc.

However, so many of the posts seem different these days. I find posts that are practically comparing tips, or calorie intake, or weight. Obviously, I do expect people to talk about just those things in a forum for sufferers of eating disorders. But, it seems to me (and I could be quite wrong), if others are struggling with the same battle I am, they would be more sensitive to these issues. Sometimes it seems like people want to be the worst, or really dont want to get better. While I quite often feel this way, Im not going to walk into a room of people trying to recover from this horrible disease and say, Hey, I only ate X calories yesterday, and I lost X pounds! The same way Im not going to offer tips that will in any way, shape, or form lead others down the path to hell that Ive found. That stuff just doesnt fly. Personally, things like that getting me thinking, hey, I can do that, too. The perfectionist that I am says that I should be doing better, and can even top that person. I get so furious at myself, and think that I am bad at my eating disorder because others seem to be doing more than I am.

Now, I know that this is not all that goes on here, and there are a lot of positives that I dont want to overlook, but I do often miss amongst the posts that make my skin crawl. I have been excited to see that the boards seem a lot more active than they used to be-- in the past, it was a stretch to get three replies on a thread! Thats cool, and this site has done well creating a community. I just want everyone to think about it Is this the community that you want?

If it is, great! Im glad that youve found what you are looking for. Truly, thats not sarcasm in the least. Personally, it just doesnt work for me. I could be the only one, and Ill happily shut up and go on my merry way if no one else sees things how I do-- for real, I dont mind! So, I realize Im putting myself way out there on this one, and I dont necessarily know what response Im intending to solicit. I guess I just wanted someone to know how I feel, and get anyone elses ideas.

Thanks for letting me share. Floor's open-- tear it up.

Much love. Suzanne