Whenever aunt flo comes to visit, I gain like a hundred pounds. It's insane! I don't allow myself to check my weight but I know by the way my clothes fit and my face looks. It sucks bad. I also hate how my therapist insits on keeping track of my weight. IT's what's keeping me from going to her more often. I feel like if I get weighted, I'll hear a remark from her that my dad used to always make when I was a kid: "you need to control yourself...you're fat and ugly...you b@#$%" I know she wouldnt say that...but i expect it...and i hear it in my head. And i get paranoid and I keep searching for signs in her face that would give me a hint as to how i'm doing. At the end of the session, it makes makes me want to purge more.
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