my therapist has been bringing up hospitalization for the last two weeks. it's "start getting healthy or else that's where you'll land yourself." i have already told her that i'll never go back. it's demoralizing and inhumane (in my opinion). but i don't know what to do. i have to gain weight when all i want to do is lose. i have to stop taking laxatives, and even though i want to-i've been unsuccesful thus far. she wanted to start seeing my twice a week, and i refused. i don't want to be forced into something i'm scared of. i've done the health thing, and was successful for a while. but i always return to my ed. i just figure there must be a reason for this. maybe it's just my own morbid curiousity to see how low i can really go....how far i can honestly push myself w/o dying. i dunno. i'm kinda frusterated over this. has anyone else ever been through anything like this?
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