Ever think u know something but don't really or don't understand it any way. Sorry I'm not making sense. I know it makes sense that ed started when I split up with my ex and my job was very stressful. But I don't think I really understood or even understand how much I've been effected by the break up, I've done such a good job of pushing it down the past 8 months. I never really gave myself chance to get over it I only cried for about 2 weeks only when alone and then I stopped eating instead. Recently I've had glances into the pain thats hiding somewhere in me but I don't want it to be that that caused this because I said I was fine about it and I don't want him to have such an effect on me. I don't want to own or admit to these feelings and deep they go. Ok so I guess in a round about way I just did - wow! What do I do with that? I just saw a picture of him and it was like I'd been stabbed why would I want to feel that? I think it might kill me. I can understand why my brain thought ed was a good protection.
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