today has no meaning to me except its another day where i\'m struggling with ED. i want to restrict, but the family is all in my business and then i eat out of anger and so many other emotions and then i hate everyone around me. its so life consuming and even though i\'ve FINALLY acknowledged i\'m sick, i\'m so damn stubborn that i want to \'fix\' it and not eat, loose some weight, and then figure out the head shit. its like i can\'t even consider getting help until i\'m not this fat because my every thought is self hating and planning around food that i cannot focus, let alone heal my mind. its almost like i don\'t deserve happiness until i\'m at my old weight...talk about vain. is this only me???
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