i thought I had become bulimic because i felt i was fat. i nowrelise that although this may have cntributed to it, i now realise that feeling i was in a way depressed, i felt worthless and empty, i think i thought i was helping myself and taking control but now i realise that it has made these feelings worse. i do feel better after making myself sick but this doesnt last long and i go back to feeling guilty sad and alone. but the feeling after eating and not making myself sick is worse... i then feel worthless and disappointed in myself and i cant let it rest untill i 'make up' for this slip up. the thing that is reli worrying me is that its slowly got worse ... and i no longer feel the need to lose anymoe weight ... however i cant stop doing it! i have told nobody about this even thought my close familly and friends have their suspisions, i hate having to hide it and i feel reli awful that they are worried about me. each time i eat i think to myself that its ok, i dont want to lose anymore weight then another voice will make me feel bad and tell me that if i stop i will go back to my old eating habits and gain weight. i know i was unhappy before and i am unhappy now so in my head i may aswell be thin and unhappy then fat and unhappy. i tell myself that i am a 'healthy bulimic' even though i know there is no such thing ... i know that i am eating enough in a day to not seriously put myself in danger but i also know that if i carry on i could get worse ...

how can i stop this constant conflict in my head!? its driving me crazy!

thanks