Eating Disorders Support Group
Eating disorders are marked by an obsessive need to control the intake and/or purging of food. This community is dedicated to those struggling on the road to recovery. Join to discuss your experience with others and find support. Get advice, ask questions, and meet others who are going through similar struggles.
I've been looking for advice on how to deal with a lot of things in different online forums. This place seems great!
However, I have some long-term concerns about the relationship that I'm in right now. Here's the details. I hope I don't come across as being insensitive or selfish or anything...I really love this girl, more than I could really say. It's just getting really difficult.
I've been dating my girlfriend for the better part of two years. We went to separate colleges last year, and when she came home, it was apparent that she was battling anorexia...and anorexia was winning. Extremely emaciated, amenorrhea, failing kidneys, etc...it was very serious.
Both she and her family have taken a very proactive approach in battling it. She immediately got with a team of doctors, including a general practitioner, nutritionist, psychiatrist, and a therapist, all of whom she visits regularly. She's since gained weight (enough to regain her period, body is functioning properly, etc) but is still battling with all of the psychological aspects of anorexia...anxiety about food/weight, compulsive exercise, depression, panic attacks sometimes...etc. She's not comfortable with gaining any more weight, even though her doctors are telling her she needs to for health reasons and also so she can take new medications that will be more effective for her. She's gotten better physically, and a tiny bit emotionally, but she's not where she needs to be.. Basically stuck in a rut. So, her parents have decided to check her into an inpatient eating disorder clinic.
Obviously I support this decision, the only thing important in all of this is that she gets better. But, obviously, this has taken a toll on me as well as our relationship. Dealing with these things is no picnic, at all...as I'm sure all of you know too well.
The program typically runs about 60 days...during which time I'm not likely to see/speak to her at all (out of state, pretty much no visitation for non-family). My concerns are all about what happens after she gets out? I'm looking for any insight as to whether or not these things linger for a long time. I love this girl, make no mistake about it. I've known her since I was six yeras old. We grew up together. BUt at the same time, I'm young, and the way that it's been the last six months, I know that I can't be in a relationship like this for the rest of my life (we've talked a lot about a future together). I can't deal with this thing again, and again, and again.
So in your experiences with yourself and those around you, how bad/common is relapse? And even if you don't fall back into an anorexic pattern (not eating, compulsive exercise, etc), how much does anorexia continue to psychologically affect you throughout your life? (insecurity about your body...food choices...sexually...things like that).
I'm trying so hard to be supportive through all of this, and be there for her unconditionally, and I feel like I have. But as much as she needs to focus on herself 100%, I also need to look out for myself here. She's reiterated many times that she still wants to be in a relationship with me, and doing so would not hinder her recovery at all. I'm just not sure it's the best thing for me. I could care less about missing her the next two months, it's not a big deal in the scheme of things...it's absolutley worth sticking it out if I knew that that would be the end of the line. I just don't want to get deeper and deeper into this and go through all of the struggles, etc. if it turns out that this is something that's going to affect our relationship substantially for as long as we're together.
The other question I have is would it be okay for me to talk to her about everything that I'm thinking/feeling? We've always been really open/honest with each other about pretty much everything, but at the same time this is a little bit different. It's a really legitimate long-term concern that there's really no answer to, you know? I don't want to drop a bomb on her right now with everything she's going through.
Any feedback anyone can give me?
However, I have some long-term concerns about the relationship that I'm in right now. Here's the details. I hope I don't come across as being insensitive or selfish or anything...I really love this girl, more than I could really say. It's just getting really difficult.
I've been dating my girlfriend for the better part of two years. We went to separate colleges last year, and when she came home, it was apparent that she was battling anorexia...and anorexia was winning. Extremely emaciated, amenorrhea, failing kidneys, etc...it was very serious.
Both she and her family have taken a very proactive approach in battling it. She immediately got with a team of doctors, including a general practitioner, nutritionist, psychiatrist, and a therapist, all of whom she visits regularly. She's since gained weight (enough to regain her period, body is functioning properly, etc) but is still battling with all of the psychological aspects of anorexia...anxiety about food/weight, compulsive exercise, depression, panic attacks sometimes...etc. She's not comfortable with gaining any more weight, even though her doctors are telling her she needs to for health reasons and also so she can take new medications that will be more effective for her. She's gotten better physically, and a tiny bit emotionally, but she's not where she needs to be.. Basically stuck in a rut. So, her parents have decided to check her into an inpatient eating disorder clinic.
Obviously I support this decision, the only thing important in all of this is that she gets better. But, obviously, this has taken a toll on me as well as our relationship. Dealing with these things is no picnic, at all...as I'm sure all of you know too well.
The program typically runs about 60 days...during which time I'm not likely to see/speak to her at all (out of state, pretty much no visitation for non-family). My concerns are all about what happens after she gets out? I'm looking for any insight as to whether or not these things linger for a long time. I love this girl, make no mistake about it. I've known her since I was six yeras old. We grew up together. BUt at the same time, I'm young, and the way that it's been the last six months, I know that I can't be in a relationship like this for the rest of my life (we've talked a lot about a future together). I can't deal with this thing again, and again, and again.
So in your experiences with yourself and those around you, how bad/common is relapse? And even if you don't fall back into an anorexic pattern (not eating, compulsive exercise, etc), how much does anorexia continue to psychologically affect you throughout your life? (insecurity about your body...food choices...sexually...things like that).
I'm trying so hard to be supportive through all of this, and be there for her unconditionally, and I feel like I have. But as much as she needs to focus on herself 100%, I also need to look out for myself here. She's reiterated many times that she still wants to be in a relationship with me, and doing so would not hinder her recovery at all. I'm just not sure it's the best thing for me. I could care less about missing her the next two months, it's not a big deal in the scheme of things...it's absolutley worth sticking it out if I knew that that would be the end of the line. I just don't want to get deeper and deeper into this and go through all of the struggles, etc. if it turns out that this is something that's going to affect our relationship substantially for as long as we're together.
The other question I have is would it be okay for me to talk to her about everything that I'm thinking/feeling? We've always been really open/honest with each other about pretty much everything, but at the same time this is a little bit different. It's a really legitimate long-term concern that there's really no answer to, you know? I don't want to drop a bomb on her right now with everything she's going through.
Any feedback anyone can give me?
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theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
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I'm trying to exercise daily. I was doing fairly well until I sprained my ankle 2 weeks ago but now I'm getting back on the horse. Today I walked over a mile with my arm weights that are about 22lbs total. I was out of shape and it was hard on my arms. I also did my 30 situps. I'm also going to drink a lot of water and try to eat healthy. I do tend to have a sweet tooth but I'm cutting...
I'll probably try to talk with her sister - she's awesome.
Littlesno..., don't stress about the people around you. The best thing I have been able to do is give people the information they need to know how to deal with me at times and what things they cannot do. It is stressful because people just want you to stop. Like you can...just stop. I don't think there's any easy way to do it. I'm trying to just get through. Those that love you will stick with you. All the best.
You sound like you've handled everything beautifully up till now, a lot of people wouldn't have been able to make it this far. I agree with the ideas about talking to her family, her therapist, maybe even an independent therapist just to talk talk talk about yourself for, probably, the first time in a very long time! I realise how difficult it must be for the friends and families of those suffereing with ed and in a way, you need as much help as we do. There's no guarantees that she won't relapse WHEN she finally beats this. But if you can make it through this time, maybe you'll be better equipped emotionally, and know how to deal with it again.
I hope you find a way to work out what you need to do for the best for both of you.