The first thing I did this morning was pig out on food and sit around watching tv stressing about all the things I should been doing but feeling too exhausted and depressed. Even though my mom knows that I'm bulimic, she continues to buy tons of desserts, ice cream and other fattening "binge" food that I try to stay away from when I'm at school. But when I'm alone and really depressed, I binge. I ate so much today and threw up and felt guilty and ashamed. My mom hasn't come home yet, but usually when she arrives and sees how much of the "binge" food I ate, she gets irritated with me. She says, "Carly, what happened to all the ice cream? There was so much before I left!" "Why can't you share?! God Carly!" I want to yell, "well I wouldn't eat so much if you didn't buy so much fattening food!" "Don't you remember that I'm bulimic???" I feel so frustrated especially because I DO feel awful about eating so much of the food and not sharing it. I hate that I do that, but I also know that I don't do that as much when that kind of food isn't in front of me. I've tried to nicely ask her if she could please buy less desserts etc. but she just gets defensive. She says, "Well Carly...you're not the only one in this family. If I want ice cream, I should be able to eat it. You don't HAVE to eat it ya know." It makes me feel worse and so selfish. I don't know what to do about it. I know that my mom is probably in denial and I know that she gets frustrated with me because she's worried about me and she cares. But a lot of times I will binge and purge even more after she makes comments like that. And she does so much for me; she puts up with my nearly constant emotional crises so I feel like I'm not in the position to get frustrated back. Any kind of feedback would be great. Even just to say you've experienced this dilemma before.
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